Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                Deer Meat

  A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
     
 Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother        'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                   Two  Lawyers

     Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely.
     The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey.
     " The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day.
     " Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns.

     They were still arguing when the train hit them.

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                 
                                    Nasty little Boy

                     A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
                     
                    "Now Listen here," the policeman said,
 
                   "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you" "In that case," said the boy.

                    "I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                 Bartender A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. Barman says "Worry we don't serve pigs in here,
                 " The lady says "Its not a pig its a duck" The barman says
                 "I am talking to the duck."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                 
   
                                       Grocery  Store

                               A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
                               She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?
                               " The stock boy replied "No they're dead."

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                                                     Blonde Thanksgiving

             
                                             It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family.
                                             Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone.
                                             The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. "Oh, mother,
                                             I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!
                                            " said the daughter. "Did it not taste good?" her mother asked. "I don't know,
                                                         " the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                         

                                          The chicken and the egg are laying in bed.
                               The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face,
                                    While the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
                                 
                                    The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".

[Green Mountian Hunter]

        Two Hunters

 Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region.
The pilot drops them off and tells them, "I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?
" One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says,
 "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose." One of the hunters replies,
 "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out.
" The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose.
 Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off.
 It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree.
 The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says,
 "Where the heck are we?" The other looks around and replies, "About 200 yards further than we got last year!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                                                       Movies

                                          A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a moose sitting next to him.
                                          "Are you a moose?" asked the man, surprised.
                                          "Yes."
                                          "What are you doing at the movies?" The moose replied,
                                          "Well, I liked the book."

[30-30]

A middle school science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!". She then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy." Then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:  First, you have a dirty mind. Second, you didn't read your homework. And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed.

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[Green Mountian Hunter]