Comic Relief!!

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[30-30]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I am not an American."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[chuckrudy]

good one

[30-30]

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"

The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
 And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Things Women Don't Know
 

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses
 are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before


 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits


 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits


 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The
Game


 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too


 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His


 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First


 8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking


 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging


 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire


 11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up


 12. Introduction to Parking


 13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space


 14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat


 15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter


 16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption


 17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People


 18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully


 19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His


 20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To


 21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have


 22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice


 23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together


 24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both


 25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[loonyone]

cwazy list.....lol

[duckey]

I'll sign the wife up for # 1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 19, 20, & 23.

[30-30]

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says "Oh just a beer".

The bartender asked the man "What's wrong, why are you so down today?".

The man said "My wife and i got into a fight, and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month".

The bartender said "So what's wrong with that"?

The man said "Well the month is up tonight".

[Green Mountian Hunter]