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Comic Relief!!
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Topic: Comic Relief!! (Read 983930 times)
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2010 on:
Jan 03, 2015, 02:50:28 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,922
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2011 on:
Jan 04, 2015, 06:24:59 AM »
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get bet
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2012 on:
Jan 04, 2015, 12:12:45 PM »
hehehe
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,922
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2013 on:
Jan 05, 2015, 04:58:32 AM »
Bob asks his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She answers..... "I'd love to be ten again."
So on the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and
early and off they go to the local Theme Park.
What a day! He puts her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide,
The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear...everything there is!
Wow! She staggers out of the Theme Park five hours later, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down. Right Into McDonald's they
go, and her husband orders a Double Big Mac for her along with extra
fries and a refreshing strawberry shake. Then off to a movie...it's the
latest 'Star Wars' epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Cola, and M & M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbles home with her
husband and collapses into bed. He leans over lovingly and asks,
"Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
She opens one eye and she groans, . . .
"Idiot, I meant dress size."
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chuckrudy
10 Pointer
Posts: 1,259
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2014 on:
Jan 05, 2015, 06:39:44 AM »
nice
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no information
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2015 on:
Jan 05, 2015, 02:41:41 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,922
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2016 on:
Jan 06, 2015, 04:32:08 AM »
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with
a meter.
So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have
circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along
with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give
you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
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chuckrudy
10 Pointer
Posts: 1,259
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2017 on:
Jan 06, 2015, 05:56:41 AM »
Like it.
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no information
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2018 on:
Jan 06, 2015, 02:45:12 PM »
Nice
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,922
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2019 on:
Jan 07, 2015, 02:28:14 AM »
Gender Identity
If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert
to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have
a gender. For example...
Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you
can see right through them.
Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.
Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated.
Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you
have to light a fire under it. . . and, of course, there's the
hot air part.
Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain
water.
Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying.
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2020 on:
Jan 07, 2015, 03:56:12 AM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,922
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2021 on:
Jan 08, 2015, 03:17:48 AM »
One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young daughter
what the lesson was about.
Her daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts."
Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the
Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's
Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,272
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2022 on:
Jan 08, 2015, 06:21:51 AM »
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adkRoy
12 Pointer
Posts: 2,068
Beware, the Ghost Deer are going to get you!!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2023 on:
Jan 08, 2015, 08:37:36 AM »
Ever notice everything you sit on feels like underwear?
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Tresspassing on my land is bad, Tresspassing on my land with an ATV will get you shot!
Raquettedacker
Cactus Buck
Posts: 13,750
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2024 on:
Jan 08, 2015, 10:42:47 AM »
Quote from: adkRoy on Jan 08, 2015, 08:37:36 AM
Ever notice everything you sit on feels like underwear?
Not if you go commando....
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"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."
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