Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."

 The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forrest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone.

 Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

 Bob picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

 In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large bear stood facing her.

 The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

 "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The bear got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

[chuckrudy]

I like it.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

 He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

 "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

 "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

 "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[OTIS]

Nice!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A woman takes her 15-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

 The mother says, "It's my daughter Mandy. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."

 The doctor gives Mandy a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Mandy is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."

 The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Mandy?"

 Mandy says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

 The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

 The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[fishnmachine]

   Two nuns were riding their bicycles back to the convent one afternoon. About halfway there, one nun says to the other, " You know, I've never come this way before."  The other nun, pedaling away, replied, "Yeah. I think it's the cobble stones."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.

 The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK.
 "Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love".

 The old man replied, "I thought so...would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window...they're choking my ducks

[Green Mountian Hunter]