Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 594790 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5460 on: Jan 09, 2021, 04:37:01 AM »


A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame.

"Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5461 on: Jan 09, 2021, 04:44:07 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5462 on: Jan 10, 2021, 04:59:43 AM »


A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his local congregation:

"It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them that much."

"And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't really scare them either."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5463 on: Jan 11, 2021, 03:51:13 AM »


An old man from way out in the boondocks made it to new York and got on the subway. He sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked the man, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"

The young man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a Father."

The old man thought a second and responded, "Sir, I am also a father, but I wear my collar front ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"

The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."

The old man quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have six sons, five daughters and many grandchildren. But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"

The priest, flustered, said impatiently,

"Sir, I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."

The old man, taken aback, sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the subway car, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5464 on: Jan 11, 2021, 04:46:40 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5465 on: Jan 12, 2021, 04:42:05 AM »


During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."


  IW

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5466 on: Jan 12, 2021, 05:14:46 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5467 on: Jan 13, 2021, 04:04:00 AM »


Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love."

"Well," said the other woman, "if that was true, that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5468 on: Jan 14, 2021, 03:55:45 AM »


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5469 on: Jan 16, 2021, 08:36:25 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5470 on: Jan 17, 2021, 03:50:58 AM »


Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pan cakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied, "The rest are for your father."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5471 on: Jan 17, 2021, 05:21:29 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5472 on: Jan 18, 2021, 04:28:47 AM »


Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got todo something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."



So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY
GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5473 on: Jan 18, 2021, 05:42:10 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5474 on: Jan 19, 2021, 03:41:55 AM »


"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise."

"Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."




 


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