Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 455151 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4920 on: Jan 29, 2019, 04:36:14 AM »


A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4921 on: Jan 30, 2019, 03:22:11 AM »


Two friends arrived home after spending the night in several bars. The first one took the key from his pocket and tried unsuccessfully to put it into the lock.
After several failed attempts, his friend said, "Do you want me to try and steady your hand?"
"No, my hand's okay, you try and hold the house!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4922 on: Jan 31, 2019, 04:09:59 AM »


A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper. After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intentively on the youth's multicolored mohawk.
The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"
The man responded with "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4923 on: Feb 01, 2019, 03:34:16 AM »


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4924 on: Feb 01, 2019, 04:54:24 PM »
 ;D
« Last Edit: Feb 01, 2019, 04:55:32 PM by Green Mountian Hunter »


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4925 on: Feb 02, 2019, 05:20:22 AM »


Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once a nd reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4926 on: Feb 03, 2019, 03:48:39 AM »


The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.

On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.

"Jesus Christ!" he says.

Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4927 on: Feb 03, 2019, 06:33:03 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4928 on: Feb 04, 2019, 03:44:46 AM »


A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4929 on: Feb 05, 2019, 03:23:17 AM »


While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4930 on: Feb 06, 2019, 05:06:17 AM »


The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4931 on: Feb 08, 2019, 02:28:24 AM »


Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4932 on: Feb 08, 2019, 03:44:15 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4933 on: Feb 09, 2019, 03:45:32 AM »


One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4934 on: Feb 09, 2019, 12:31:20 PM »
 ;D


 


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