Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 396904 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4620 on: Jul 10, 18, 04:49:51 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4621 on: Jul 11, 18, 04:09:45 AM »


Five Undeniable Facts

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is
grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that
the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a
hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's
husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson,
Heineken, Coors & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab
whatever is available.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4622 on: Jul 11, 18, 04:20:44 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4623 on: Jul 13, 18, 04:17:13 AM »


A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what "you've" been doing."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4624 on: Jul 13, 18, 04:06:37 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4625 on: Jul 14, 18, 03:23:29 AM »


A small town prosecuting barrister called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a attractive middle aged lady. He approached her and asked, "Ms. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "I do know you Mr. Leigh. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Knowles since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both barristers to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4626 on: Jul 14, 18, 10:04:47 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4627 on: Today at 05:37:35 AM »

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”“He came from heaven, Johnny.”“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4628 on: Today at 06:25:11 AM »
 ;D


 


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