Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 429842 times)

Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4755 on: Sep 10, 2018, 05:30:38 PM »
 ;D
HeHe.   
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4756 on: Sep 11, 2018, 04:52:52 PM »


                    BLONDE EMAIL

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been sending email?

A: There are envelopes in the disk drive.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4757 on: Sep 18, 2018, 03:42:33 AM »


All of Broomtown was a buzz because boy-broom and girl-broom were going to get married. Everyone felt certain that the bride-broom and the groom-broom would make a lovely couple.

The night before the wedding, however, bride-broom told groom-broom that she was going to have a little wisk-broom.

"But, how can that be?" wailed groom-broom, "We haven't even swept together yet!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4758 on: Sep 19, 2018, 04:44:44 AM »


You might be a redneck if...
You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.

Your house has a kickstand.

You drive around a parking lot for fun.

Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".

You have to duct tape your gloves on.

You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.

Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.

You think that Marlboro is a cologne.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4759 on: Sep 20, 2018, 03:15:51 AM »


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


Offline Thibault

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4760 on: Sep 20, 2018, 11:29:45 AM »
what about this


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4761 on: Sep 21, 2018, 03:30:25 AM »


1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3· Life is sexually transmitted.
4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it Normal .
11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever Comes out'?
13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
20· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4762 on: Sep 22, 2018, 04:35:08 AM »


Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4763 on: Sep 22, 2018, 07:12:59 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4764 on: Sep 22, 2018, 07:28:34 AM »

          BLACK AND BROWN

 What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

 A Doberman pinscher.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4765 on: Sep 23, 2018, 04:54:48 AM »



                            ;D

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4766 on: Sep 23, 2018, 04:55:14 AM »


A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said. “But, it has my husband pretty upset.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4767 on: Sep 23, 2018, 07:44:13 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4768 on: Sep 23, 2018, 07:45:49 AM »

          A HUSBAND'S REALIZATION

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every day.

One day he told her, "You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were there. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were there. You know what?"
"What is it, dear?" she asked.

He responded, "I think you bring me bad luck."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4769 on: Sep 24, 2018, 04:32:25 AM »


              ;D

 


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