Author Topic: Hunting joke  (Read 16242 times)

Offline adkRoy

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Hunting joke
« on: Jan 07, 08, 06:28:11 AM »
DEER MEAT


A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.


Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.


The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.


Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.


The little girl screams to her brother


'Don't eat it, it's an A##^&*@
Tresspassing on my land is bad, Tresspassing on my land with an ATV will get you shot!

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #1 on: Mar 28, 08, 10:27:48 AM »
I had posted these joke before but they were lost with a glitch in the site. I though I would post again.

What's the only 5 things women and bucks have in common???
five. You only take them out once a year.
Four. They both look good mounted against the wall.
three. You friends appreciate a good rack.
two. If its got a disease do not eat the meat!
one. Most importantly the hornier the better.
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #2 on: Mar 28, 08, 10:40:18 AM »
Man and wife at the local sportsman show.

A man and his wife recently attended a sportmans show. As they walked through the show enjoying the sites they noticed a seminar on the life a Whitetail deer. They though this sounded interesting and decided to sit in. During the seminar the speaker stated that "A dominant buck mate 100 times in a season". His wife mouth drops and says "Wow a 100 times in a season that's more than once a day you could learn something from these bucks" The man turns to his wife and says "Raise your hand and ask if it was with the same doe"
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline ramrod

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #3 on: Mar 03, 11, 10:39:29 AM »
            An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.


             

            The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.


             

            He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

            The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"


             

        The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

        A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,  "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.


         

    The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.  Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

    When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.


     

 The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.


 

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.


 

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.  The silence was almost deafening.


 

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."


 
There are a few lessons for us all here:

 
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?   

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #4 on: Mar 03, 11, 10:45:40 AM »
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline upstatehunter

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #5 on: Mar 03, 11, 02:05:49 PM »
Good ones!!
I like that one RR, I'm getting old you know.... ::)

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #6 on: Mar 03, 11, 02:08:16 PM »
I'm getting old you know.... ::)
You dont say? I dont think I have heard you mention that before. ;) ;D
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline upstatehunter

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #7 on: Mar 03, 11, 03:18:25 PM »
Maybe a couple times.... ;D Remember Don't waste ammunition, and didn't get here by being stupid... ;D

Offline loonyone

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #8 on: Mar 03, 11, 05:47:21 PM »
I had posted these joke before but they were lost with a glitch in the site. I though I would post again.

What's the only 5 things women and bucks have in common???
five. You only take them out once a year.
Four. They both look good mounted against the wall.
three. You friends appreciate a good rack.
two. If its got a disease do not eat the meat!
one. Most importantly the hornier the better.
  ha ha ha ha ha this one is good......i gotta remember this ;D ;D

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #9 on: Mar 03, 11, 05:53:44 PM »
I cant believe I posted that almost two years ago. :o Ramrod must have been going through the vintage collection earlier. ;D ;D
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline loonyone

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #10 on: Mar 03, 11, 05:58:37 PM »
I cant believe I posted that almost two years ago. :o Ramrod must have been going through the vintage collection earlier. ;D ;D

classic then..... ::)
« Last Edit: Mar 04, 11, 07:58:18 AM by loonyone »

Offline loonyone

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #11 on: Mar 03, 11, 06:06:00 PM »
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joes first time ever hunting, so he was following Bobs lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.
Joe said "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat em now?""


Offline bogmanjr

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #12 on: Mar 03, 11, 06:23:41 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
" Those who forge their guns into plows will plow for those who did not " Thomas Jefferson.

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #13 on: Mar 03, 11, 06:31:33 PM »
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.


Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Hunting joke
« Reply #14 on: Mar 03, 11, 06:36:30 PM »
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joes first time ever hunting, so he was following Bobs lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.
Joe said "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat em now?""



    Thats a good one.... ;D ;D ;D
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."