Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 455740 times)

Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4905 on: Jan 16, 2019, 03:43:46 AM »

A pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only 10 minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation has to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened.
The pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife's teeth in and couldn't stop talking.


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4906 on: Jan 18, 2019, 04:16:43 AM »


An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.
The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4907 on: Jan 19, 2019, 06:20:10 AM »


A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
"But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.
"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4908 on: Jan 20, 2019, 03:27:44 AM »


Jim is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Jim, all of us use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit, which consist of a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Jim asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen', you hit her with the shovel.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 8,420
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4909 on: Jan 21, 2019, 01:38:30 PM »
   :D
« Last Edit: Jan 21, 2019, 01:39:20 PM by Green Mountian Hunter »


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4910 on: Jan 22, 2019, 03:19:41 AM »


These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in theNew York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, someof these are really funny!
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has startedto dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails toachieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingie to holdit all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice aweek.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4911 on: Jan 22, 2019, 03:20:52 AM »


A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
in the head and kills him!
He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ...
YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"
The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4912 on: Jan 23, 2019, 04:16:01 AM »


Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy ?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"




Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4913 on: Jan 24, 2019, 05:55:56 AM »


Zeke and Zeb decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up, they noticed that the crowds gathered around but nobody was buying tickets.

Zeke said to Zeb, "Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea." After Zeb was strapped on he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back.

As he came back up Zeke noticed that his cloths were torn and wondered what that was all about.

Zeb went down again and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he was bleeding. Zeke thought, "Wow, what's going on here."

Zeb went down a third time and this time when he came back up Zeke noticed that he had blood, contusions and cuts all over his body.

Zeke pulled Zeb in and said, "Zeb, what happened?"

Zeb groaned, "I don't know, but what's a pinata??


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4914 on: Jan 25, 2019, 03:52:53 AM »


A golfer, who was known for his bad temper, walked into the Pro Shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.
But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.
"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones.

Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4915 on: Jan 26, 2019, 04:12:34 AM »


A husband died. A few weeks later the wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband. She ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
'Darling, how I've missed you!'
The husband extends his arms stopping her from embracing him and says, 'Whoa there woman, the contract was until death!'


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 8,420
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4916 on: Jan 26, 2019, 03:32:07 PM »
  ;D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4917 on: Jan 27, 2019, 04:38:19 AM »


Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is let in.

The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night. So he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 8,420
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4918 on: Jan 27, 2019, 06:38:30 AM »
Hehe ;D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 5,564
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4919 on: Jan 28, 2019, 03:53:13 AM »


A kindergarten student was having trouble putting on his boots, and asked his teacher for help. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. Finally they got both boots on. She grimaced when the little boy said, "They're on the wrong feet."
Sure enough, they were. The teacher kept her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the correct feet. The little boy then announced, "These aren't my boots." The teacher sighed and pulled the boots off.
The boy then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
The teacher felt like crying, but she mustered up the strength to wrestle the boots back onto his feet. "Now," she said, "where are your mittens?"
The boy replied, "I stuffed them in my boots..


 


Iceshanty | MyFishFinder | MyHuntingForum
Contact | Disclaimer | Sponsor
2004- © MyHuntingForum.com
All Rights Reserved