Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 467572 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4650 on: Jul 29, 2018, 04:43:47 AM »


"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.



"Why yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some lingerie."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4651 on: Jul 29, 2018, 06:46:11 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4652 on: Jul 29, 2018, 06:54:23 AM »


                      And the Lord said unto John
                    come forth and you will receive
                                  Etenal Life

                     But John came in fifth , and won a
                                    toaster .....


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4653 on: Jul 30, 2018, 04:40:04 AM »


A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out."What do you have there?" his mother asked.With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4654 on: Jul 31, 2018, 03:42:02 AM »


A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he types: .....  mypenis.
As he hits 'enter', to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!
The computer had replied: TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4655 on: Jul 31, 2018, 03:54:11 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4656 on: Aug 01, 2018, 04:59:12 AM »

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.
 
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
 
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4657 on: Aug 01, 2018, 04:34:33 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4658 on: Aug 02, 2018, 03:56:06 AM »


A old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says,"I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"...
Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking?
She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4659 on: Aug 02, 2018, 04:03:00 AM »


In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.Then God created man, and then they both rested.Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4660 on: Aug 02, 2018, 04:50:14 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4661 on: Aug 03, 2018, 03:51:38 AM »


An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said:
"May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college".
A young man opened the door and let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."
When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.
The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it."
The old man said, "And the same old story..."



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4662 on: Aug 03, 2018, 03:55:26 AM »


A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.

But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4663 on: Aug 04, 2018, 05:51:03 AM »


You might be a redneck if...
Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4664 on: Aug 04, 2018, 06:12:42 AM »
 :D


 


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