Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 486163 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4635 on: Jul 21, 2018, 06:34:19 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4636 on: Jul 21, 2018, 06:54:12 AM »


                                       A man walk's into a zoo.
                               The only animal in the entire zoo
                                               is a dog.

                                             It's a shitzhu ....


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4637 on: Jul 22, 2018, 06:35:06 AM »


Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4638 on: Jul 22, 2018, 10:15:39 AM »
 :) :)



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4640 on: Jul 23, 2018, 04:48:23 AM »


Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day. They come to a difficult par with a water trap just after the tee. The first golfer proceeds to hit his ball right into the water. To retrieve it, he simply approaches the body of water and extends his golf club. The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on the green. The second golfer hits his ball towards the water, but rather than sink, the ball floats on top of the water. The golfer nonchalantly walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

The third golfer hits his the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to sink. As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth. At that very moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft. As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then drops the fish into a nearby tree. When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the ball pops out, rolls down the trunk of the tree, across the green and right into the hole...



Moses turns to Jesus and says "You know, I hate golfing with your Father."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4641 on: Jul 23, 2018, 03:54:44 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4642 on: Jul 25, 2018, 04:57:31 AM »


An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4643 on: Jul 25, 2018, 04:11:14 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4644 on: Jul 26, 2018, 03:39:33 AM »


A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,

'OK, take off all you crose.'

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,

'Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.'

So she did.

Dr Chang then said,

'OK' now crawl reery fass to me,'

So she did.

Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,

'Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I

ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.'

Confused the woman asked,

'What is Ed Zachary Disease?'

Dr Chang replied,

'It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your butt!

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4645 on: Jul 26, 2018, 05:42:36 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4646 on: Jul 27, 2018, 03:29:17 AM »


Former U.S. President George Bush said he would like to see
his son, Governor George W. Bush, in the White House.

Polls, however, indicate that the public is fed up with the

Monica Lewinsky scandal and does not want to see any more

Bush in the White House.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4647 on: Jul 28, 2018, 04:04:20 AM »



Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.



She said, “Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake.”

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

“Thank you, I baked it myself.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4648 on: Jul 28, 2018, 05:53:52 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4649 on: Jul 28, 2018, 06:24:53 AM »
 
                               Women only call me ugly
                            until they find out how much
                                        money I make.

                                     Then they call me
                                        ugly and poor.


 


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