Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 486188 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4590 on: Jun 28, 2018, 02:41:31 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4591 on: Jun 29, 2018, 03:11:50 AM »


Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.



Offline ssbob

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4592 on: Jun 29, 2018, 04:20:11 PM »
good one

Offline ssbob

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4593 on: Jun 29, 2018, 04:27:57 PM »
funny   

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4594 on: Jun 30, 2018, 05:28:21 AM »


All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!"
"Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4595 on: Jun 30, 2018, 05:33:36 AM »


A cattle farmer went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. When the waiter brought him his steak it was rare -- very rare. The cow-puncher looked at it and demanded that it be returned to the kitchen and cooked.
"It is cooked," snapped the waiter.
"Cooked -- nothing," replied the cow-farmer. "I've seen cows injured worse than this and recover!"

 

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4596 on: Jun 30, 2018, 07:34:24 AM »
nice


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4597 on: Jul 01, 2018, 04:53:42 AM »


An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4598 on: Jul 01, 2018, 07:32:50 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4599 on: Jul 02, 2018, 05:41:15 AM »


A female truck driver was pulled over by a state trooper. The patrolman told her to get out of the truck and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in her mouth as she stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was getting rid of her speed pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your lights, I knew I was screwed."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4600 on: Jul 02, 2018, 03:56:03 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4601 on: Jul 03, 2018, 05:37:53 AM »


A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And then she switched on the light...
"No madam," said the gardener.



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4602 on: Jul 03, 2018, 11:37:16 AM »
hehehe


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4603 on: Jul 04, 2018, 03:58:02 AM »


There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing. He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot. "Did you say that?" asked the burgler. "Yes," replied the parrot. "By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot. "That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?""The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4604 on: Jul 04, 2018, 06:31:19 AM »
 :D


 


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