Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

  A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to
 preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
 sermon, I want you all to read Mark Chapter 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his
 sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He
 wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.

Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark
 has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my
 sermon on the sin of lying."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Wisdom
 

Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a
 lot on the kind of chick he marries.

 Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his
 salt that he forgets his sugar.

 Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

 When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts
 when they try to decide which one.

 If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a
 thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.

 Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder
 that brides often blush.

 On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past...but
 never the present.

 A foolish husband remarks to his wife "Honey, you stick to the
 washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

 The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest
 is kept up.

 Many girls like to marry a military man--he can cook, sew, make a
 bed, and is in good health...and he's already used to taking orders.

 Grandpappy and his wife were discussin' their 50th wedding
 anniversary when she said, "Shall I kill a chicken tonight?" "Naw,
 said Grandpappy, "Why blame a bird for something' that happened
 50 years ago."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

 It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.
 The  pastor  of  the  church  was  looking  over  the  naivety  when
 he  noticed  the  baby  Jesus  was   missing  from  among  the  figures.
Immediately he turned and went outside where he saw a little
 boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the infant
 of Jesus.

So he walked up the  little boy and said, "Well, where'd you get Him,
 my fine friend?

The  little boy replied , "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The little boy replied, "Well about a week before Christmas I
 prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring
 me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around.
 the block in it."

[chuckrudy]

nice

[30-30]

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total
 mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still
 in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes
 and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his
 wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A
 lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded
 against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring
 a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
 and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the
 sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was
 spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a
 small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more
 piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may
 be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her
 lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas
 reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and said "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come
 home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

               Welcome To Inspirations!
 

 Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited, until
 you try to get into their church pew.
 

 The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
 but the fly comes close.
 

 Many spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats,
 and then go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
 

 If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying
 for the one it has.
 

 A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The
 Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
 

 We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.

 Every evening I turn my troubles over to God. He's going to
 be up all night anyway.
 

 I don't know why some people change churches - what
 difference does it make which one you stay home from?
 

 Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early
 age I discovered I was not God.
 

 To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even
 more human.
 

 Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and
 permanently set.
 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about
 2 miles north of the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked
 the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was
 a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do
 a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and
 if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give
 him a ticket.

The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment
 on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The deputy told him
 that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked
 if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the
 deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind
 the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly,
 he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.

The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car,
 opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "Might as well take myself to jail, there's no way
 I can pass that test."

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[CAPTJJ]

[Raquettedacker]

 
I didn't do it...