Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'   
 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay

[30-30]

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
"No ma'am," little Johnny replies, I don't have to.
My mom is a good cook."

[30-30]

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime


story.


From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to


touch his wrinkled cheek.


She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.


Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"


"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."


"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"


"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."


Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at


it, isn't he ?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[ssbob]

 

[30-30]

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
 I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
 She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
 I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

[30-30]

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
 "Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
 After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
 I said, "Yesterday."

[30-30]

 went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
 I said, "Good legs."
 The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
 I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
 Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
 When you’re over seventy..............who cares?
 

[30-30]

[30-30]

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
 The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
 The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
 The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
 The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
 Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
 "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."     

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

[30-30]

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased.
"This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop.
"My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop.
"But how do we know which is which?"
They thought for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea.
"Lets cut off this ones tail"
The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing in front of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask what's wrong.
"You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!"
"But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart."
"Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one.?!"

[30-30]

The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.

“How old are you?” a tenant asked.

“I’m 81 years old,” he answered.

The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”

[Green Mountian Hunter]