Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

And old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."

 Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

 So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

 This is what transpired.

 Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"

 Dr. Geezer:  ---  "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

 Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

 Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

 Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

 Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

 Doctor Young:  "Oh no you don't,  --  that is Gasoline!"

 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

 Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

 Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak  ---  I can hardly see !!!!

 Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so --   Here's your $1000 back."

 Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

 Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

 Moral of story  --  Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going
 to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,
 "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
 
 A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby
 chickens." The co-op man complies.
 
 Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says,
 
 "Give me 500 baby chickens."
 
 "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing
 well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting
 them too deep or too far apart!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[chuckrudy]

nice.

[30-30]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face
 was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't
 graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the
 husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

 However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable
 would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed
 that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and
 requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this
 was a very delicate matter.

 After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
 woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
 before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her
 youthful beauty!

 One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
 emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you
 for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

 "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
 see your mother kiss you on the cheek

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[chuckrudy]

good one.

[30-30]

       Another joke to groan about.

While hiking in the woods, Nate and Sam found this huge rock which
 had an old iron lever attached to it. Etched into the rock was the
 following inscription:
 
 "If this lever is pulled, the world will come to an end!"
 
 Nate wanted to pull the lever and see what would happen, but Sam,
 being a paranoid pessimist, greatly feared this! He said to Nate that
 if he tried to pull the lever, he'd shoot him! In a daring attempt, Nate
 lunged for the lever, and sure enough, Sam shot him! What is
 the moral of this story?
 
 Better Nate than lever!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten
 teacher asked her students to bring something related to their
 family's faith to class.

 At the appropriate time she asked the students to come
 forward and share with the rest of the students.

 The first child said, "I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug."

 The second child said, "I am Jewish and this is my Star of
 David."

 The third child said, "I am Catholic and this is my rosary."

 The final child said, "I am Southern Baptist and this is my
 casserole dish."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for
 the sport.
 
 "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
 
 "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.
 
 "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the
 third senior.
 
 After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the
 wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said,
 
 "Oh my friends, just be thankful we're still on this side of the grass!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.
 There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the
 kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three
 kings decided that they would send their knights out to do
 battle, and the winner would take the island.

 The night before the battle, the knights and their squires
 pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first
 kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of
 whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking
 food.

 The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10
 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for
 battle.

 At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one
 knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung
 it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself
 preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

 When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their
 squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the
 knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust
 cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third
 kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms,
 thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal
 to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.