Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 915257 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6510 on: Feb 17, 2023, 05:19:36 AM »


Son: “Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.”
Dad: “Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?”
Son: “Forget it, there seem to be too many requirements.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6511 on: Feb 20, 2023, 04:13:07 AM »
 :D


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6512 on: Feb 21, 2023, 04:31:55 AM »


A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"

Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants!


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6513 on: Feb 21, 2023, 05:08:30 PM »
 :)


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6514 on: Feb 25, 2023, 04:02:35 AM »


A Sunday school teacher was teaching her young students about Noah and the ark. She asked them what they thought Noah may have done to pass the time in the ark for forty years. After waiting a few moments, the teacher suggested, “Maybe he did a lot of fishing. How about that?”One little boy gave her a funny look and said, “I don't think so. It’s kinda hard to fish with just two worms!”


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6515 on: Feb 26, 2023, 06:19:28 AM »


Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'

'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.

'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6516 on: Feb 28, 2023, 04:28:42 AM »


It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6517 on: Mar 01, 2023, 04:12:23 AM »


On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6518 on: Mar 02, 2023, 04:27:50 AM »


One day at home the phone rings and Joe answers it. On the other end is a confused woman who asks, "Who is this?"
"This is Joe. With whom did you wish to speak with?"
After a pause the woman says, "Did you just say whom?"
"Yes, I did."
"Then you're definitely not my son!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6519 on: Mar 03, 2023, 04:07:56 AM »


Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6520 on: Mar 03, 2023, 02:56:09 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6521 on: Mar 05, 2023, 03:44:27 AM »


The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"

"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you drink in excess?"

"No." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life.

"Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6522 on: Mar 05, 2023, 05:30:58 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6523 on: Mar 07, 2023, 04:12:17 AM »


A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: 'Rest in Peace.'
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied:


'Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this - somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying: 'Congratulations on your new location!''



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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6524 on: Mar 08, 2023, 04:04:25 AM »


During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?”
“Because knowing the federal government, they’d  lower the highways.”


 


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