Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

           If I have to explain it to you, you have problems. hehehe

hehehehe      I new that would draw a response

[30-30]

           
An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow:

 "Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence--unless of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury, or someone died in your immediate family."

 Just after she spoke, a wise ass in the back of the class exclaims: "Well, what if I were to tell you that I didn't show up for the test because I experienced complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

 The students in the class try to suppress their snickers and muffled laughter.

 The teacher looks sympathetically towards the young man, smiles slyly and states: "Well, then...you'll have to write with your other hand".

[Green Mountian Hunter]

    nice one

[chuckrudy]

Like it.

[windwalker]

I was going to do just that when my tree stand got stolen .....................should have !

[30-30]

                 Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

i like it

[30-30]

             An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter.

 The old man says, "I'm a multimillionare, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me every night in bed whether I like it or not (sob)."

 The young jogger says, "Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for in my life. What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?"

 The old man says, "I can't remember where I live."

[chuckrudy]

Love it.

[30-30]

                   An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

            Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

[30-30]

             I'm so depressed now that I learned all this. hehe

               https://www.yahoo.com/food/were-very-sorry-but-your-food-is-a-79364057597.html 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hehehehe     

[30-30]

            An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and ask his wife .
Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.
"Yes", she said, "I remember it well."
"Ok", he says "How about taking a stroll around there again and do it for old time sake ."
"Ooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea", she answers.
There was a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this and having a chuckle to himself. he thinks,"I've got to see this, two old-timers having sex against a fence, I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. He follows them...
They walked haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks, Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make thier way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, pulls her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers, the old man moves in, suddenly they erupt into the most furoius sex that the watching policeman has ever seen .
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen year olds. this goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling "Ohhhh, God' he's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally they both collapse panting on the ground.
After about an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to thier feet and put their clothes back on.
The police man quite amazed stood there still watching and still thinking to himself . " That was truly amazing, he was like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is."
As the couple passed, he says to them, "That was amazing, you must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it?
You must have had a fantastic life together, Is there some sort of secret?"
"No, there's no secret" the old man says,
"fifty years ago that darn fence wasn't electrical!"