Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 911293 times)

Offline CAPTJJ

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1275 on: Mar 25, 2014, 08:02:15 PM »
Its always archery season. >>>---------->
Hybrid longbow in hand.

Offline loonyone

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1276 on: Mar 25, 2014, 08:21:35 PM »
love it

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1277 on: Mar 25, 2014, 10:17:08 PM »

           
love it

             X2 on that one

Offline stka

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1278 on: Mar 25, 2014, 11:16:24 PM »
 ;D, I'm going to have to share this one. Thanks CaptJJ.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1279 on: Mar 26, 2014, 03:16:44 AM »
A couple is lying in bed, on their 20th wedding anniversary. The woman suddenly feels her husband touching her in ways that he hadn't done in years. He started at her neck, and slowly traced a line downward, past the small of her back. He caressed one shoulder, then the other, and continued down across her breasts, stopping just below her navel.

Next, he placed his hand on her left inner arm, and caressed down her side, stopping at her hip. He started over again on her right side, then brushed gently across her buttocks, and down her leg. As his hand was making its way up the inside of her left leg, he abruptly stopped and rolled over.

She had become very aroused by all of this attention, and asked in a loving voice, "That was amazing, darling. Why did you stop?"

He cleared his throat, looked at her and said "Found the remote."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1280 on: Mar 26, 2014, 03:45:04 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1281 on: Mar 26, 2014, 05:54:13 PM »
Two married buddies are out drinking one night at a local bar when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' ... and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

Offline joe snag

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1282 on: Mar 26, 2014, 06:23:03 PM »

Offline joe snag

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1283 on: Mar 26, 2014, 06:24:26 PM »
Two married buddies are out drinking one night at a local bar when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' ... and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
another good one...

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1284 on: Mar 27, 2014, 03:26:17 AM »
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
 
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
 
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name
 
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
 
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
 
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
 
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
 
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
 
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
 
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
 
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
 
Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
 
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
 
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
 
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
 
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
 
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
 
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
 
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
 
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
 
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1285 on: Mar 27, 2014, 03:37:11 AM »
hehehe


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1286 on: Mar 28, 2014, 01:16:09 AM »
A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump crap from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1287 on: Mar 28, 2014, 03:31:04 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1288 on: Mar 28, 2014, 09:49:28 AM »


           
Too smart for the First Grade

First grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go to the first grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
 Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have in mine?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question?

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious, and contains thin whitish liquid?"
 Harry: "Coconut"

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubble gum"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
 The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Shake hands"

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

   


Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1289 on: Mar 28, 2014, 10:49:17 AM »
nice one
no information

 


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