Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

         

            Woman's fishing advice : 

            Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
            But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

           Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 
           The only reason your husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him,

           "Wow, that's a big one!"




 

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If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for
 six months. I could deal with that.
  Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I
 could deal with that, too.

 If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of
 walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute
 cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

 If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
 You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get
 out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

 If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
 He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

 Yup..... I wanna be a bear.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

               Married life is very frustrating.

             In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
             In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
             In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who
 was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took
 him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring
 your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll
 talk about it."
 After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they
 could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where
 his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your
 grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your
 hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been
 thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,
 Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                    Cold Winter
           The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer,
           the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

           Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked,
          "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed.
         
          " So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.
            A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
           "Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter.

           " So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.
             Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?"

            "Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

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[hesseltine32]

Good one Jeff !

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

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Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was very concerned.
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!"