Comic Relief!!

[hesseltine32]

Haha nice one

[loonyone]

hahahahahahahahahahahaha/......your too funny 30

[30-30]

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs".

The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said, "Beats the Crap out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a female patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating too".

She clinked glasses with him and said, "What are you celebrating?"

"I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"What a coincidence," the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant.

How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched cocks." he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said

[Green Mountian Hunter]

    Nice

[fishnmachine]

HaHa!!

[30-30]

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.







The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.  Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.  'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple?

'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.  'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.'

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hehe

[joe snag]

good......

[30-30]

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man Replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

Upon hearing that the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old, and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't Pee on my shoes."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hahaha  nice one 

[30-30]

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times." 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man escapes from prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. Looking for money and guns, he only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife,"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner. Look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. He must be dangerous. If he gets angry, he will kill us.Be strong honey.I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too."