Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 913589 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6015 on: Jan 17, 2022, 02:38:24 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6016 on: Jan 18, 2022, 04:40:51 AM »


After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her.
He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me?
Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you?
The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife's beauty.
The young man discretely pulled out five dollars and gave it to the pastor.
Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point the veil is lifted from the brides face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the pastor interrupts and promptly hand the groom four dollars and fifty cents.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6017 on: Jan 18, 2022, 09:36:28 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6018 on: Jan 19, 2022, 05:32:16 AM »


"Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient.
"I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid."
"The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal," the doctor said. "If anything is overactive, it's your fork."


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6019 on: Jan 20, 2022, 03:35:12 AM »


A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows"
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?



Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6020 on: Jan 21, 2022, 04:04:53 AM »


A man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Donald's house and said, “Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The horse died.”
Donald replied, “Well, then just give me back my money.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Donald said, “Ok, then just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
Donald said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”
Donald said, “Sure I can! Watch me.
A month Later, the farmer met up with Donald and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?”
Donald said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars apiece and made a profit of $2495.”
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Donald said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his five dollars.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6021 on: Jan 21, 2022, 12:52:07 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6022 on: Jan 22, 2022, 04:22:24 AM »


A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6023 on: Jan 23, 2022, 03:47:16 AM »


Research shows that men, on average, speak about 10,000 words per day, and women speak about 40,000.
What the research doesn’t tell you is that it’s not that women are actually saying four times as much, they just have to repeat everything that many times because men don’t listen.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6024 on: Jan 23, 2022, 05:59:46 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6025 on: Jan 26, 2022, 04:05:31 AM »


Age is a funny thing....
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"

"I'm 4 and half."

You're never 36 and a half, but you're 4 and a half going on 5! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.

"How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16."

You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sounds like a ceremony--you BECOME 21. YES!!!!

But then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED. We had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed???

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40...stay over there, it's all slipping away...

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50...my dreams are gone...

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 and then you MAKE IT to 60...Whew! I didn't think I'd make it.

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, You're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60, and by then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70!

After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s, you HIT lunch. I mean my grandmother won't even buy green bananas, "Well it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."

And it doesn't end there...Into the 90's, you start going backwards: I was JUST 92. Then a strange thing happens, if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: I'm 100 and a half!!

Age is a funny thing.




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6026 on: Jan 26, 2022, 11:33:43 PM »
   :D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6027 on: Jan 27, 2022, 04:26:50 AM »


The other day, Donna and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.
To her credit, Louise finally said, 'Look. I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right.'
'Fine.' I said.
She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, 'I'm wrong.'
I grinned and replied, 'You're right.'


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 9,246
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6028 on: Jan 27, 2022, 05:23:36 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,876
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6029 on: Jan 29, 2022, 04:23:08 AM »


A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.

Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"

The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."


 


SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2024, SimplePortal