Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 653131 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6000 on: Jan 09, 2022, 06:38:12 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6001 on: Jan 10, 2022, 04:08:37 AM »


As a senior citizen on a fixed income I realize that the days of cheap cell phones are over...
Now, if I fall and hear a crack, I am hoping it's my leg and not my cell phone.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6002 on: Jan 10, 2022, 06:40:52 AM »
  :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6003 on: Jan 11, 2022, 04:19:53 AM »


Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6004 on: Jan 11, 2022, 12:18:14 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6005 on: Jan 12, 2022, 03:33:44 AM »


An elderly couple visits their grown-up grandson one night. While in the bathroom, Grandpa discovers a bottle of Viagra in his grandson's medicine cupboard.

"I don't think you should take one of those," says the grandson when his grandpa asks him about them: "They're pretty expensive."

"How much?" asks the old timer.

"$20 a pill," replies the grandson.

"I'd still like to try one," says the old man: "Before we go in the morning I'll leave the money under the pillow in the guest room."

The next day the grandson goes into the guest room, and lifts the pillow to find $120. Puzzled, he calls his grandpa. "Grandpa, I told you the pills were $20 each!" he says.

"I know," says the old man: "The extra $100 is from your grandma!"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6006 on: Jan 12, 2022, 06:00:49 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6007 on: Jan 13, 2022, 04:12:19 AM »


One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a....................... beer," the bear says.
"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6008 on: Jan 13, 2022, 09:49:49 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6009 on: Jan 14, 2022, 03:31:38 AM »


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6010 on: Jan 14, 2022, 04:59:09 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6011 on: Jan 15, 2022, 04:22:50 AM »

 10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6012 on: Jan 16, 2022, 04:46:36 AM »


"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6013 on: Jan 16, 2022, 07:37:21 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6014 on: Jan 17, 2022, 04:26:51 AM »


A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening."
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well.
"Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works.
After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.
The husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed.
He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers.
She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers.

She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!"



 


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