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Comic Relief!!
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Topic: Comic Relief!! (Read 983333 times)
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2535 on:
Aug 09, 2015, 05:59:52 AM »
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2536 on:
Aug 09, 2015, 07:03:15 AM »
Nice ...
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2537 on:
Aug 10, 2015, 05:44:39 AM »
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2538 on:
Aug 10, 2015, 04:37:14 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2539 on:
Aug 11, 2015, 04:57:28 AM »
Stupid Laws in the United States
Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
California
Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to
try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
Connecticut
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
You are not allowed to cross the street on your hands.
Florida
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon
owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or
she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be
paid just as it would for a vehicle.
In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a
swim suit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of a strapless gown.
Illinois
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other
domesticated animals kept as pets.
Indiana
Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a
public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Iowa
Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.
Kentucky
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot
hold onto the ground."
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Louisiana
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water
pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault", while biting
someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
Massachusetts
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely
locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special
license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
In Boston
It's against the law to slurp your soup in a restaurant on a Sunday.
Texas
You could be arrested for cattle rustling, if you get caught walking down the street with wire cutter in your back pocket.
Nebraska
It is against the law to bring a whale in the state on a flat car.
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2540 on:
Aug 11, 2015, 02:56:31 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2541 on:
Aug 12, 2015, 05:05:20 AM »
You Know Your Not A kid Any More When...
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You are proud of your lawnmower.
Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.
You call Olan Mills before they call you.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
People call at 9:00 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You have a dream about prunes.
You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
You send money to PBS.
You still buy records, and you think a CD is a certificate of deposit.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of you pants.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know what the word "equity" means.
You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
Your ears are hairer than your head.
You talk about "good grass", and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
You have a party, and the neighbors don't even realize it.
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2542 on:
Aug 12, 2015, 06:21:03 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2543 on:
Aug 13, 2015, 04:09:34 AM »
Man VS. Woman
Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The Morning:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Money Management:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't.
Happiness:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
Marriage Expectations:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
Marriage Decisions:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.
Marriage and the Future:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Memories:
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry
her. A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry.
Understanding Women:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before
marriage and after marriage.
What a Woman Wants:
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy:
One is to let her think she is having her own way.
The other is to let her have it.
Longevity:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.
Mistakes:
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people
remembering the same thing.
The Battle:
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2544 on:
Aug 13, 2015, 05:45:18 PM »
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2545 on:
Aug 13, 2015, 05:51:41 PM »
I think that I'm a chicken
Panda Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
«
Last Edit: Aug 13, 2015, 05:52:30 PM by Green Mountian Hunter
»
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2546 on:
Aug 14, 2015, 03:49:24 AM »
Sad, But As I Get Older, I Think Differently
After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have some hot Wings and ice tea.
After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators".
I'm old, I'm tired, and I pee a lot.
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,269
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2547 on:
Aug 14, 2015, 04:07:22 AM »
Nice but the window needs cleaning ...
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,920
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2548 on:
Aug 14, 2015, 04:46:21 AM »
Quote from: Green Mountian Hunter on Aug 14, 2015, 04:07:22 AM
Nice but the window needs cleaning ...
You must be OLD if you saw the windows! LOL
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hunts2long
12 Pointer
Posts: 1,835
Northville,NY
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #2549 on:
Aug 14, 2015, 05:14:58 AM »
I think he means the window on his computer, from him pressing his face up to it...h2l
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