Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 911170 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5685 on: Jun 17, 2021, 07:40:25 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5686 on: Jun 18, 2021, 03:55:02 AM »


A wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?"

"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you....!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5687 on: Jun 18, 2021, 07:14:26 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5688 on: Jun 19, 2021, 04:22:56 AM »

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out having coffee with a friend. She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I’m on the toilet.
Please advise.



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5689 on: Jun 19, 2021, 05:51:36 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5690 on: Jun 21, 2021, 04:45:56 AM »


Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked the first officer, “What did you do with your life?”“ I was a police officer,” he responded. “What kind of police officer?” Saint Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids. ”“Welcome to heaven. You may end the gates. ”He asked the second man what he did as a police officer. “I was a traffic officer,” said the man. “I kept the roads and highways safe. ”“Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates. ”He asked the third man what he did as a police officer. “I was a military policeman, sir,” replied the man. “Wonderful! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” replied Saint Peter. “I need to take a break! Watch the gate.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5691 on: Jun 21, 2021, 01:17:43 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5692 on: Jun 22, 2021, 04:46:22 AM »


As a woman was about to go home from a long and stressful day at the office, her cell phone rang. It was her husband.
"Will you be joining me in the whirlpool bath tonight?" he asked.
"What a lovely way to spend an evening," she thought.
She was about to tell him how considerate he was when he continued, "because if you're not, I need to start adding more water to the tub."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5693 on: Jun 22, 2021, 07:15:41 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5694 on: Jun 23, 2021, 04:54:40 AM »


Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a $10 note and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys looked at each other then gave the $10 note to the teacher.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5695 on: Jun 23, 2021, 05:41:02 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5696 on: Jun 24, 2021, 05:28:05 AM »



"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5697 on: Jun 24, 2021, 07:23:03 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5698 on: Jun 25, 2021, 04:19:28 AM »


The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...
It creates a hostile work environment.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5699 on: Jun 25, 2021, 06:05:29 AM »
 :D


 


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