Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 617708 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5670 on: Jun 09, 2021, 06:03:26 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5671 on: Jun 10, 2021, 04:09:40 AM »


A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5672 on: Jun 10, 2021, 05:48:29 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5673 on: Jun 11, 2021, 03:56:32 AM »


The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and
continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5674 on: Jun 11, 2021, 05:20:39 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5675 on: Jun 12, 2021, 05:11:57 AM »





All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the @$$hole is usually in charge.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5676 on: Jun 13, 2021, 01:54:08 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5677 on: Jun 13, 2021, 04:07:15 AM »


It was the end of the day when I parked my police car in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

"Is that a dog you got in the back seat there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the car. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5678 on: Jun 14, 2021, 08:40:19 AM »
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic.
He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I was wondering if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5679 on: Jun 15, 2021, 01:10:20 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5680 on: Jun 15, 2021, 05:27:27 AM »


Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5681 on: Jun 15, 2021, 08:43:34 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5682 on: Jun 16, 2021, 04:31:54 AM »


Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don’t understand, I wasn’t doing over the speed limit! What did you pull me over for?"
"Ma’am," the officer said, "You should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous".
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer, trying not to laugh, explains that 22 is the route number, not the speed limit. A little embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"Before I go Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone ok? These women seem badly shaken and haven’t said a word since I pulled you over."
"Oh! they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route142" ...



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5683 on: Jun 17, 2021, 01:26:24 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5684 on: Jun 17, 2021, 05:14:22 AM »



A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless. The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one. Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”


 


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