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Topic: Comic Relief!! (Read 962153 times)
Green Mountian Hunter
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Posts: 9,257
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Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6870 on:
Mar 21, 2024, 07:46:19 AM »
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30-30
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Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6871 on:
Mar 22, 2024, 04:17:36 AM »
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, 'Good trade.'
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,257
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6872 on:
Mar 22, 2024, 06:28:13 AM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6873 on:
Mar 25, 2024, 04:21:59 AM »
A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: "For Men Only".
"I'm sorry, ma'am," says the bartender. "We only serve men in this place."
"That's OK," says the blonde. "I'll take two of them..."
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,257
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6874 on:
Mar 26, 2024, 05:51:02 AM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6875 on:
Mar 26, 2024, 05:55:04 AM »
Signs you are getting old:
1. You don't hold in your stomach when someone young and attractive enters the room.
2. You can live with out sex but not without glasses.
3. You are proud of your lawn mower.
4. Your friend is dating someone half his age, but not breaking the law.
5. You can sing along with elevator music.
6. Someone calls your house at 9 pm, and asks, 'Did I wake you up?'
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6876 on:
Mar 27, 2024, 04:22:11 AM »
Two Eagles, an old Indian chief, sat in his hut on the reservation smoking a ceremonial pipe and eying two US government officials sent to interview him.
One US official said to Chief Two Eagles, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he has done."
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the two government officials for over a minute...
"When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled before he added, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
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30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6877 on:
Mar 28, 2024, 04:58:01 AM »
A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, 'What's in the bags?'
The fellow says, 'Sand!'
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects... only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated...
'What have you there?'
'Sand'
'We want to examine.'
Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, 'Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won't say anything - what were you smuggling?'
The fellow says, 'Bicycles.'
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6878 on:
Mar 29, 2024, 04:36:35 AM »
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
Receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6879 on:
Mar 30, 2024, 04:41:40 AM »
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."
Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God.
"If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God."
"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, "This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
God says, "That was just the screen saver."
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,257
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6880 on:
Mar 31, 2024, 03:27:22 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6881 on:
Apr 03, 2024, 04:20:34 AM »
I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there.
They have no wife to go home to... or they do!
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,257
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6882 on:
Apr 03, 2024, 02:22:15 PM »
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6883 on:
Apr 04, 2024, 05:12:00 AM »
I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I'd not seen in years.
"This is Beth," I said, introducing my kid.
"And what's Beth short for?" he asked.
"Because she's only three," I answered.
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,902
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #6884 on:
Apr 05, 2024, 04:24:17 AM »
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.
He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor arrived. To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline and electrolytes, asedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The attending nurse was rather surprised by the prescription and asked, "What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheets off his legs."
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