Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

                    We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.

[30-30]

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

            A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house.
            A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

           She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented:
          "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box.
         
          " The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

[30-30]

                       

[30-30]

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                    `You seem to be visibly distressed,' said the judge to the witness.
                    `Is anything the matter?'

                    "Well, your Honour," said the witness,
                    "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
                     but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

[30-30]

                                 

[30-30]

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"

[30-30]

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your butt!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]