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Comic Relief!!
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Topic: Comic Relief!! (Read 976880 times)
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1875 on:
Oct 28, 2014, 06:11:32 PM »
hehehe Great one duck hunter
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30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1876 on:
Oct 29, 2014, 05:53:28 AM »
His and Hers ATM Machines
HIS
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away
HERS
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Reenter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Drive 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
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MikmaqMenace
Spiked
Posts: 38
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1877 on:
Oct 29, 2014, 06:08:33 PM »
LMFAO. Priceless!!
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Freedom isn't free, someone has paid the price. All gave some, Some gave all. To all my brothers and sisters.. SYOTOS
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1878 on:
Oct 30, 2014, 03:57:22 AM »
Logged
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1879 on:
Oct 30, 2014, 05:27:56 AM »
Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
*
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
*
Don't cut your hair. Ever.
*
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he
can find the perfect gift.
*
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
*
Sometimes, he is not thinking about you. Live with it.
*
Don't ask about his thoughts unless you want to discuss navel lint,
shotguns, or monster trucks.
*
Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.
*
A dog is better than ANY cat. Period.
*
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
*
Shopping is not a sport.
*
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
*
You have enough clothes.
*
You have too many shoes.
*
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect him to submit to it.
*
Your ex-boyfriend is, was, and always will be an idiot.
*
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
*
No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark important days on
a calender.
*
Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes. What makes you think he
would be any good at choosing which pair, out of your thirty, would look
good with your dress?
*
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
*
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
*
Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
*
Foreign movies are best left to foreigners.
*
Check your oil.
*
Don't give him 50 rules when 25 will do.
*
It is neither in your best interest nor his to take the quiz together.
*
Anything said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
*
If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret women, don't expect us to act
like soap opera men.
*
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad and/or angry, we meant the other one.
*
You can either ask him to do something or tell him how you want it done
-not both.
*
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
*
Consider golf a mini-vacation from each other. He needs it just as bad
as you do.
*
Telling him that the models in men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
look jealous and certainly is not going to deter him from reading them.
*
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two month
Logged
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1880 on:
Oct 30, 2014, 06:11:44 PM »
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Raquettedacker
Cactus Buck
Posts: 13,749
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1881 on:
Oct 30, 2014, 06:15:51 PM »
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"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1882 on:
Oct 31, 2014, 05:09:50 AM »
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the
waiting room, where their family member lay
gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news"
he said, as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this
time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental
procedure, semi-risky, and you'll have
to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the
news.
At length, someone asked, "Well, how much does a
brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "A female brain goes
for $2,000. A male brain costs $5,000."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried
not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women,
but some actually smirked.
A girl, unable to control her curiosity, blurted out
the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why does
the male brain cost so much more?"
The doctor smiled at her childish innocence and then
said to the entire group, "It's a standard pricing
procedure. We mark the female brains down
because they're used."
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Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1883 on:
Oct 31, 2014, 05:00:29 PM »
Logged
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1884 on:
Nov 01, 2014, 05:54:26 AM »
One day my housework-challenged husband decided
to wash his sweatshirt...
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Indiana University."
Logged
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1885 on:
Nov 01, 2014, 06:55:30 AM »
Logged
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1886 on:
Nov 02, 2014, 04:16:04 AM »
man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!", he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"
And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"
Logged
Green Mountian Hunter
30 Point Buck
Posts: 9,262
FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1887 on:
Nov 02, 2014, 06:50:49 AM »
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chuckrudy
10 Pointer
Posts: 1,259
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1888 on:
Nov 02, 2014, 07:26:40 AM »
nice
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no information
30-30
30 Point Buck
Posts: 6,911
Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
«
Reply #1889 on:
Nov 03, 2014, 05:28:16 AM »
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"
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