Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

[chuckrudy]

good one

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[CAPTJJ]

[30-30]

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An newly annointed angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

 So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

 One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

 Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

 God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

 Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

 God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

 Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He descends to a lower height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

 The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

 "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

 "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

 "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

 The man below says, "You must be a manager."

 "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

 "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunch time, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.

 One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.

 Another disagreed, and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingenious.

 "No," the third student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

The newly-weds are in their honeymoon suite and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his pants and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

 The bride replies, "I can't wear your pants."

 "And don't forget that" he replies, "I will always wear the pants in this family!"

 The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

 He replies, "I can't get into your panties!"

 "And you never will if you don't change your attitude."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

 

A fire chief had just gotten married and on his honeymoon he informed his new wife that their house was going to be run like a firehouse... he said that they would have sex on the bell system.
 He went on to say that one bell meant take your clothes off... two bells meant get into bed... and three bells meant start fooling around.

 The fire chief came home from work one day and decided to try out his system.... he hollered "One Bell" and she took off her clothes.

 He hollered "Two Bells" and she got into bed.

 He hollered "Three Bells" and they started fooling around like crazy.

 A few minutes later, SHE yells "Four Bells."

 "Four Bells?" the fire chief asks, "What is four bells?"

 "Let out more hose!" she yelled. "You're nowhere near the fire

[chuckrudy]

good one