Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

Well that is what we get for having gray hair 

[fishnmachine]

Well that is what we get for having gray hair 

Wait! I have gray hair!............... What?!? 

[30-30]

 I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun  for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandpa, I really think you should try to figure out some of these colors  yourself!"

[30-30]

A little girl took an airline flight alone to visit relatives. She settled into her seat and began to read her book. Shortly after takeoff, the atheist seated next to her leaned over and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who wanted to continue her book, replied to this total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same food - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thought for a second and replied, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl answered, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when clearly you don't know poop!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

When my grandson and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."  (WOW! I really like this one -- it says I'm only '38'!)

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandfather, "Grandpa,  guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandfather, more than a little surprised, tried to keep his cool. "That's interesting." he said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it. 

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 
50 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? 
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? 
Because those men already have boyfriends. 

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? 
A speech impediment.


What's the difference between a Texas zoo and an English zoo?
The Texas zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.


How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F..... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


What's the difference between a northern USA fairy tale and a southern USA fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins 'Once upon a time.'  A southern fairy tale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap...'

[Green Mountian Hunter]

Yes sir 

[30-30]

 Children's Logic:  "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:  "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

[Green Mountian Hunter]