Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 911866 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4440 on: Mar 30, 2018, 03:06:55 AM »


A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the  dog's duties.  "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." 
 A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4441 on: Mar 30, 2018, 06:54:02 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4442 on: Mar 31, 2018, 02:30:20 AM »


A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and whenever
we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4443 on: Mar 31, 2018, 02:13:16 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4444 on: Apr 01, 2018, 04:24:20 AM »


A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4445 on: Apr 01, 2018, 12:36:32 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4446 on: Apr 02, 2018, 03:51:21 AM »


A blonde came up to the librarian & yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters & the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4447 on: Apr 02, 2018, 04:06:32 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4448 on: Apr 03, 2018, 03:09:36 AM »


Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4449 on: Apr 03, 2018, 03:52:25 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4450 on: Apr 04, 2018, 04:20:11 AM »


I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.  He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."  I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"  "Oh no, nothing like that," he said.   "No, no.... I was paroled."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4451 on: Apr 05, 2018, 04:18:35 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4452 on: Apr 06, 2018, 03:57:43 AM »


How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?

A: Who knows - it's never been done.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4453 on: Apr 07, 2018, 04:15:38 AM »


Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing sexy to attract her!

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4454 on: Apr 07, 2018, 03:36:54 PM »
 ;D


 


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