Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

You Know You're a Redneck When...
 

 Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..
You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
 quota..

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
 on the side..

The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart..

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table..

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..

Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
 brings you home..

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
 improvement..

You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..

Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
 take them out to see what it is.
 

[30-30]

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had!"

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Baby Bruno was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
 "What are you doing?" Bruno asked.
 "Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey", his grandmother replied.
 "That's cool!" Bruno said.
 "Are you going to hang it next to the deer?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in and asks, "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says, "Eggs, but first you've got to make love to me this very moment".

He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and they make love. Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says, "The egg timer's broken.

[chuckrudy]

Good one.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.

He didn't have to hear about all the men she
 could have married, and she didn't have to hear
 about the way his mother cooked.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

[Green Mountian Hunter]