Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

WOMEN
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

MEN

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing spiders.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A 5-year-old said grace at a family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.”When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if he was paying attention tonight.”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

The foreman on a contracted job started bawling out one of the men, "I've had slow men on jobs before but you are the slowest I've ever seen. Is there anything you are quick with?"
"Well," yawned the workman, "nobody can get tired as quick as I can."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.

"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them."

"Why not?" asked her friend.

"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."

"Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A drunk man was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunk immediately responded, "Thank you, your Honor, I'll have a Scotch and soda."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

  yes sir

[30-30]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.