Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

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It was late at night and Alison, who was expecting her second
 child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn.
When Alison started to go into labor, she called "911." Due to a
 power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn
 to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he
 helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Alison pushed and
 pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic
 lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor
 began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the
 wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she
 had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there
 in the first place. Spank him again!"

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a
 fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
 peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
 "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
 yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
 horrible death this year."

 Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then
 at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took
 a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
 She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked
 her question.

 "Will I be acquitted?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
 The following exchange takes place.... The man says, "What's
 the problem officer?"
 
 Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
 
 Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
 
 Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)
 
 Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
 
 Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
 
 Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
 (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
 
 Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt."
 
 Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
 
 Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt."
 
 The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
 
 The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your
 husband talk to you this way all the time?"
 
 The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                           New England Home

                          My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
                          Winter was fast approaching and the years first snow came early and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation.
                         
                         "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.
                          One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.

                          My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
                          "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

[30-30]

                         

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                            Ice Fishing

                      There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.
                      Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish
                      Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently.

                      A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

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