Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

     





                                                Two neighbors are talking to each other.
                            First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
                            Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
                            First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
                            Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.                                             

[hunts2long]

I thought you were going to say "your dog brings it over after he has read it"...h2l

[30-30]

                Question: Why is 77 better than 69?

                 Answer: You get eight more.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                Wittle Wabbit
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit

[30-30]

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and they had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were all right. He knocked on the door of the cabin
and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were OK. 
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love." 

The old man replied, "I thought so ... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window ...they're choking my ducks!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a
 well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he
 demanded.
 
 Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a United
 States Congressman!"
 
 "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there
 is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
 
 Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom
 Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
 
 So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,
 and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and
 your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed,
 Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells
 Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
 
 "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Clinton," his boss
 quickly retorts. "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to
 Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the
 tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I
 was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's
 have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
 
 Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After
 they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who
 again implores him to name anyone else.
 
 "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland,
 and I've known the Pope a long time." Off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his
 boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says,
 "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell
 you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out
 on the balcony with the Pope."
 
 Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half
 an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Bubba
 returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
 paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What
 happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the
 Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, " Who's that on
 the balcony with Bubba?"
 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

     

                                  The Bathtub Test
             During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine
             whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

            "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a
             teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
 
           "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket
            because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
 
          "No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a
           bed near the window?"

           

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                                         What goes black white black white.........?
                                                         A penguin rolling down a hill!

                                                         What's black and white and laughing?
                                                         The penguin who pushed him!

[30-30]