Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                             
                                                                     The Law of the Jungle

                  Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast.
                   One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes.

                  His friend looked at him. ”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?”

                 ”I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”

[30-30]

Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time.
 Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.
 Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you?"
 Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish.

The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned the situation to the game warden. The warden then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish.

The warden dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the warden in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot.

The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. The warden said, "I'm going to have to place you under arrest--I am a game warden and you are fishing illegally!"

The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the warden. The stranger then said, "Are you gonna talk or fish?"

[30-30]

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
 He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
 She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

what does Viagra and Disneyland have in common.??
 they both make you stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 


                                                     
                                   I didn’t

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”

“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”

The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”

“Yes,” the other bat answers.

“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”

[30-30]

               

[chuckrudy]

good one

[30-30]

[chuckrudy]

I like it.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                       
                                        Time Off

Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.

“How are you going to do that?”

“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied.”I’m a light bulb.”

“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.

“I can’t work in the dark,” he said.