Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 915862 times)

Offline hesseltine32

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #660 on: Apr 13, 2013, 11:34:18 AM »
Nice duck hunter

Offline hesseltine32

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #661 on: Apr 14, 2013, 11:37:40 AM »

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #662 on: Apr 14, 2013, 04:01:00 PM »

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #663 on: Apr 15, 2013, 03:14:47 AM »
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #664 on: Apr 15, 2013, 04:01:46 AM »
hehe      ;D


Offline CAPTJJ

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #665 on: Apr 15, 2013, 12:33:26 PM »
Its always archery season. >>>---------->
Hybrid longbow in hand.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #666 on: Apr 15, 2013, 08:05:16 PM »


                  Golf  Panties....

The Swede's wife steps up  to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind  blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

 

'Goodness,  woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.

'Well' she said, 'you don't give  me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede  immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency,  here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some  underwear..'

 

Next,  the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also  blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary,  woman! You've no knickers Why not?'

 

She replies,  'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

 

Patrick reaches into  his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy  yourself some underwear"!

 

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife  bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she,  too, is naked under it.

 

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus,  Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna  give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

 

The Scotsman reaches  into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb....  Tidy yerself up a bit.'

Offline hesseltine32

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #667 on: Apr 16, 2013, 05:48:35 AM »
Haha that's a good one

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #668 on: Apr 16, 2013, 04:02:52 PM »


A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.

 After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

 As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

 But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

 A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those "feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

 Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

 He said, "take the dog for a walk."
 


 


 


 


 


 



 

 

 
 
 

Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #669 on: Apr 16, 2013, 04:25:40 PM »
Like it. :) :)
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Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #670 on: Apr 16, 2013, 05:17:28 PM »
 ;D ;D


Offline maineduckhunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #671 on: Apr 16, 2013, 07:45:17 PM »

Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #672 on: Apr 17, 2013, 08:02:29 AM »
nice. :D
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #673 on: Apr 17, 2013, 03:31:56 PM »
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single
hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing
respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their
playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the
wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser,
picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle,
don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.

"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever
meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door,
the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."

She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"

Rippington says, "I'll tell him."


Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #674 on: Apr 17, 2013, 05:10:15 PM »
HOW TO TELL TIME IN ITALIAN...      ::) ::) 8) 8)
 

  
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

 


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