Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.

The woman sneezed, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently in her seat.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes passed.

The woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently in her seat.

The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time.

Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man had finally had all he could handle. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"

The woman replied, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, was feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

[Cargo]

GMH  I have a couple of friends I could use that one on.

[30-30]

                   Good one Chucky!

[chuckrudy]

nice

[seags]

 The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

That is one of the best one's; along with the train one with the little boy and his mouth
Yep I even mailed that one to dad; he is a Big Big time watching the Bears as with mom.

[30-30]

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
 into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to
 get into Heaven?"

 The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and
 out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
Peter says 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man is watching football on TV and flicks through the other channels at half-time and finds a porn film with a couple enjoying really good sex.

He says to his wife " I don't know whether to watch this or the game"

She says " For god's sake watch this..........you already know how to play football"....

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "It's obvious that men enjoy sex more than women. Why else do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove a thing," countered the woman. "Think of it this way: when you have an itchy ear and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull your finger out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

haha   

[30-30]

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked, "Was that one word or two?"