Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 915852 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4215 on: Sep 21, 2017, 04:56:32 AM »


Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Earl, "here's one named Butch Smith. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Jeb yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Bubba.

Jeb lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Georgia."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4216 on: Sep 22, 2017, 04:29:41 AM »


A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

 The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

 He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

 The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

 "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

 "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4217 on: Sep 22, 2017, 03:15:48 PM »
hahaha


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4218 on: Sep 23, 2017, 04:35:32 AM »


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

 The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

 The room really got quiet.

 Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4219 on: Sep 23, 2017, 06:10:58 AM »
nice


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4220 on: Sep 24, 2017, 05:33:32 AM »


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

 One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

 His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back... "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4221 on: Sep 24, 2017, 07:10:18 AM »
Nice


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4222 on: Sep 24, 2017, 07:12:16 AM »
Niec


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4223 on: Sep 24, 2017, 07:13:18 AM »
OK


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4224 on: Sep 25, 2017, 05:34:02 AM »


A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the Manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face now with both hands. Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me -I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and his full head of hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

 "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues seductively, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. She slowly continues, "Tell him,... that there,...is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4225 on: Sep 26, 2017, 03:29:26 AM »


A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

 "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

 She said, "No?"

 "Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

 And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

 The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4226 on: Sep 26, 2017, 03:51:43 AM »
hehe


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4227 on: Sep 27, 2017, 03:05:49 AM »


A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

 The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

 The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."

 A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"

 Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

 Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

 Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4228 on: Sep 27, 2017, 04:00:11 AM »
yeha


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4229 on: Sep 28, 2017, 06:08:05 AM »


A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

 He replies, No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!

 


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