MyHuntingForum.com

The Camp Fire => Hunting Stories => Topic started by: adkRoy on Jan 07, 2008, 06:28:11 AM

Title: Hunting joke
Post by: adkRoy on Jan 07, 2008, 06:28:11 AM
DEER MEAT


A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.


Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.


The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.


Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.


The little girl screams to her brother


'Don't eat it, it's an A##^&*@
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 28, 2008, 10:27:48 AM
I had posted these joke before but they were lost with a glitch in the site. I though I would post again.

What's the only 5 things women and bucks have in common???
five. You only take them out once a year.
Four. They both look good mounted against the wall.
three. You friends appreciate a good rack.
two. If its got a disease do not eat the meat!
one. Most importantly the hornier the better.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 28, 2008, 10:40:18 AM
Man and wife at the local sportsman show.

A man and his wife recently attended a sportmans show. As they walked through the show enjoying the sites they noticed a seminar on the life a Whitetail deer. They though this sounded interesting and decided to sit in. During the seminar the speaker stated that "A dominant buck mate 100 times in a season". His wife mouth drops and says "Wow a 100 times in a season that's more than once a day you could learn something from these bucks" The man turns to his wife and says "Raise your hand and ask if it was with the same doe"
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: ramrod on Mar 03, 2011, 10:39:29 AM
            An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.


             

            The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.


             

            He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.  As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

            The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"


             

        The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

        A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said,  "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.


         

    The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.  Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

    When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.


     

 The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.


 

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.


 

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.  The silence was almost deafening.


 

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."


 
There are a few lessons for us all here:

 
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 03, 2011, 10:45:40 AM
(http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg137/drobertsinMaryland/ROFLMAO.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Mar 03, 2011, 02:05:49 PM
Good ones!!
I like that one RR, I'm getting old you know.... ::)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 03, 2011, 02:08:16 PM
I'm getting old you know.... ::)
You dont say? I dont think I have heard you mention that before. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Mar 03, 2011, 03:18:25 PM
Maybe a couple times.... ;D Remember Don't waste ammunition, and didn't get here by being stupid... ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Mar 03, 2011, 05:47:21 PM
I had posted these joke before but they were lost with a glitch in the site. I though I would post again.

What's the only 5 things women and bucks have in common???
five. You only take them out once a year.
Four. They both look good mounted against the wall.
three. You friends appreciate a good rack.
two. If its got a disease do not eat the meat!
one. Most importantly the hornier the better.
  ha ha ha ha ha this one is good......i gotta remember this ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 03, 2011, 05:53:44 PM
I cant believe I posted that almost two years ago. :o Ramrod must have been going through the vintage collection earlier. ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Mar 03, 2011, 05:58:37 PM
I cant believe I posted that almost two years ago. :o Ramrod must have been going through the vintage collection earlier. ;D ;D

classic then..... ::)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Mar 03, 2011, 06:06:00 PM
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joes first time ever hunting, so he was following Bobs lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.
Joe said "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat em now?""

Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: bogmanjr on Mar 03, 2011, 06:23:41 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 03, 2011, 06:31:33 PM
(http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg137/drobertsinMaryland/ROFLMAO.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Mar 03, 2011, 06:36:30 PM
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joes first time ever hunting, so he was following Bobs lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.
Joe said "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated. "Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat em now?""



    Thats a good one.... ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Mar 04, 2011, 07:56:20 AM
(http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f112/Skittlespc/Smileys/lol.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: ramrod on Mar 10, 2011, 08:23:10 AM
not really hunting but thought you motor oil drinkers would get a kick out of this!




Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.
The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.
 Miller's president orders a Millers
 and the president of Coors orders a Coors.
When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?
Nah Guinness replies.
 If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Mar 10, 2011, 08:29:03 AM
Two hunters were walking through the woods. one of them fell down and grabbed his chest like he was in great pain. His friend had a cell phone with and called the operater. He said, I need help, i think my friend is dead. She said calm down I can help! first, make sure he is dead. The operater waited, and then heard a gun shot. He came back on the phone and said, now what?
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 10, 2011, 08:32:04 AM
Hehe. That was so simple it was hilarious. Good one
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Mar 10, 2011, 08:32:13 AM
One day a man went into the dentist's to get a tooth pulled. When the dentist told him he needed to give him some anesthetic he refused. The dentist told him this again and he refused saying"I have experienced the 2 worst pains in the world I don't need anesthetic". So the dentist pulled the tooth and the guy just sat there and didn't even flinch. When this was done the dentist says to the man "What were those pains ?". The guy says"the first when happened while i was out hunting, I squated down to take a poop and got my b@!!s caught in a bear trap".The dentist asks him what the second one was and the guy says "when I reached the end of the Chain"  ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Mar 10, 2011, 08:34:46 AM
One day a bachlor decides that he is going to take up hunting, since he had nothing else to do with his money. He goes an buys a pick up truck and two hunting dogs. Goes to the country to hunt, when all of a sudden he spots some ducks flying over head. He takes his shot gun and shoots, he hits one and lets the dogs out. He chases after the dogs and they come to a farmers field, when the young man says " Excuse me sir, but that is my duck" The farmer says " no my land, my duck. Tell you what sonny, lets settle this the country way, We kick each other in the b@!!s, and who is left standing, gets to keep the duck. The city boy says "Allright" But the farmer says "I go first" The farmer kicks the young man in the b@!!s, and lays on the ground for about five minutes. When he finally gets to his feet, he states "OK, my turn" The farmer says "Na, you can keep the duck."
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Mar 10, 2011, 08:42:52 AM
Where did he go?? ;D

(http://i415.photobucket.com/albums/pp237/raquettedacker/wherediddeergo1.jpg)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Mar 10, 2011, 08:43:11 AM
 ;D omg thats nuts (pun intended)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: bamaboy on Mar 11, 2011, 12:13:00 PM
Two hunters were standing up on a hill deciding on a spot to hang a stand. Suddenly, one of the hunters takes his hat off and stops talking. The other hunter sees this and then notices a funeral procession going down the highway off in the distance so he removed his hat as well. Once the last car was out of sight, he turned to he fellow hunter and said "I just want you to know that what you did was the most respectful thing I have ever seen. Even from way up here on this hill, you still took your hat off and showed your respects."  "Shucks" said the other hunter, "it was the least I could do... after all, we were married for 25 years."
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Mar 11, 2011, 12:15:33 PM
(http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg137/drobertsinMaryland/ROFLMAO-1.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Mar 11, 2011, 12:18:15 PM
good one bamaboy.....lol
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: bogmanjr on Mar 11, 2011, 02:34:10 PM
good one bamaboy.....lol

Priorities!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: buckblaster on Mar 11, 2011, 05:05:19 PM
HAHAHA good ones.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Rebelfisher on Mar 11, 2011, 07:20:18 PM
these are great...keep 'em comin!
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Mar 19, 2011, 07:51:46 AM
Two friends obtained permission to hunt a small property that held some good bucks....Both wanted to hunt the same locations and times.
They spent most of the per season and season arguing over who would go where and when....Then came the day a call came into the emergency services to send an ambulance there had been a terrible accident...There was Joe, pacing and repeating it was an accident, it was an accident....The paramedics rushed to his buddy Dave as he lay on the ground under a stand....Joe was yelling save him ,save him...Then asked the medics if they could save him as they stood looking at poor Dave....Well, we might have....but it he would have stood a lot better chance if ya hadn't gutted him.... :o
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: NYSporty on Aug 29, 2011, 02:10:01 PM
A bunch of guys go to there hunting camp and play cards and drink late in to the night.
The next morning one of them wont get up he had way too many to drink so the rest of the guys head out and hunt.
Later that day they are all coming back to the cabin and they find the man with his pants down setting against a tree seems he had fallen asleep taking a crap.
Well one of the hunters got a gut pile and put it under the sleeping mans butt laugh and go back to the cabin.
A while later the guy comes busting through the door and said you guys are not going to believe what happened to me.
I went out to take a crap and carped my guts out but with the grace of god and these 3 fingers I got them all back in..... :o :o
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Aug 30, 2011, 07:17:41 AM
 :o ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: NYSporty on Oct 04, 2011, 10:08:26 AM
Paul tries to take his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they find "No Trespassing" signs everywhere. Paul tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Paul says, "Sir, I've hunted on this property all my life, but now I notice you have a bunch of signs up. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."

The farmer scratches his chin for a bit and says, "I'll make you a deal. We've got this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we've grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property."

Walking back to the car, Paul decides to play a joke on his friend. "That old bastard won't let us hunt on his property," he tells him. "I'm going to shoot his cow!" He then walks over to the side of the house and-BLAM!

Suddenly two more shots ring out behind him, and his friend runs up, yelling, "I got the cat and dog too! Let's get the hell out of here!"

Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: ramrod on Oct 04, 2011, 10:17:26 AM
 ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: stka on Oct 04, 2011, 10:22:20 AM
LOL
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: aquaassassin on Oct 04, 2011, 10:26:31 AM
haha
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Oct 04, 2011, 10:33:01 AM
One I have never heard before....   Good one... ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: NYSporty on Oct 04, 2011, 11:03:21 AM
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area", so close to waste treatment facility. And I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care, they turned me down."
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Oct 04, 2011, 11:09:37 AM
Nice...
(http://i942.photobucket.com/albums/ad269/klumpertje1963/c893656c4bc54cfbe88e59d5f956dbd27f1.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: aquaassassin on Oct 04, 2011, 11:19:21 AM
HAHAHA nice! I like that smiley too Raquette.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Oct 04, 2011, 12:07:46 PM
(http://www.websmileys.com/sm/crazy/1261.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Oct 04, 2011, 04:42:23 PM
(http://i467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/413200/Laughing_Hyena.gif)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: slt on Nov 10, 2011, 07:40:43 AM
Two guy's decide to take up hunting. Having never hunted before they go to hunter safety class prior to the season. On opening day they start off on thier first great adventure and in no time they are lost. One say's to the other, " I remember the safety instructor telling us that if we get lost we should remain calm, stay where we are and fire three spaced shots and some one will come look for us." His friend agrees and fires three spaced shots. After an hour and no help they again fire three spaced shots. Another hour passes and still no help....and it's begining to get dark. The first guy looks at his buddy and say's " we'll try it again but help better come.....these are my last three arrows.....
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: vermonner on Nov 10, 2011, 09:24:08 AM
Guy and his wife are arguing about whether he can go hunting opening day.  Saturday morning comes and he wakes up at 4:55 am.  Slides quietly out of bed.  Goes to kitchen leaves wife a note "gone hunting".  Grabs his gear and loads it into the truck.  Opens the garage door.  Driving rain, howling wind, nasty.  Says 'ta hell with it'.  Heads back in, throws away the note, sneaks back upstairs into bed.  Wife sleepily throws her arm over him.  'Storming like nobody's business out there, hon' he says and she says 'I know, and my idiot husband is out there hunting in it'
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: walleymaster96 on Nov 10, 2011, 09:43:49 AM
lol to both of em
Title: Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Post by: Chucker on Dec 08, 2011, 07:05:15 AM
If not a hunting joke, a guy's joke....


(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v190/echucker/dress.jpg)


Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally!?
 
Ever wonder why?
 

It's because she smells like a new truck .
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: stka on Dec 08, 2011, 07:54:03 AM
That's great  ;D.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: johndeere540 on Dec 08, 2011, 08:35:28 AM
It only made my mouth water! I dont understand! ;D :P
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Dec 08, 2011, 09:00:47 AM
Oh My....... ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Dec 08, 2011, 09:48:20 AM
 ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Dec 08, 2011, 03:50:47 PM
lol thats gross.....at least from my point of view
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Dec 08, 2011, 05:41:10 PM
I wanna new truck!!!!
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Dec 09, 2011, 09:05:24 AM
 ;D

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
 
The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"
 
 
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,
 
 
"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"
 
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
 
 
"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"
 
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.
 
The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.
 
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
 
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I am going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
 
 
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"
 
Moral of this story...
 
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
brilliance only come with age and experience.
   
 
 
 
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: stka on Dec 09, 2011, 09:15:52 AM
LOL  ;D ;D ;D.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Dec 09, 2011, 05:38:47 PM
 8)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Deposit on Dec 09, 2011, 07:06:03 PM
;Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
brilliance only come with age and experience.
   
 

Ain't that the truth LOL
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Dec 09, 2011, 07:23:55 PM
lmao...who you calling an old dog??????????thats a good one
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: drobertsinMaryland on Jan 13, 2012, 08:18:40 PM
There are 3 bucks hanging out by an apple tree. An 8pt, 4pt and button buck. The 8pt says to the 4pt you know I am happy with my 5 doe's this year. The 4pt looks back and says you know I am okay with my 3 does. The button buck says to them both I am content with my only doe. About that time they hear a snort wheeze and turn to see a 14 point step out of the woods and start chasing a doe. The 8 looks at the 4 and says you know I think I am happy with 3 does now. The 4 says yeah I think I only need one doe. They both look at the button buck and he starts pawling the ground making a scrape. Then goes and starts rubbing a nearby tree. The 8 and 4 looked at the button buck and said what are you doing? The button buck says I am just making sure he knows I am a buck. ;D ;D
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: loonyone on Jan 13, 2012, 08:52:31 PM
lol thats pretty funny.......keepin him straight
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Green Mountian Hunter on Jan 14, 2012, 05:54:39 AM
     that's a good one   :)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Chucker on Oct 17, 2012, 05:51:18 AM
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't care one way or the other.
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: upstatehunter on Oct 17, 2012, 05:56:07 AM
So true....we have two cats.... ::) ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: Hunting joke
Post by: Raquettedacker on Oct 17, 2012, 06:39:57 AM
 ::) ;D ;D
SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2024, SimplePortal