Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 914065 times)

Offline Stuck-on-Seven

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #690 on: Apr 23, 2013, 08:23:24 PM »
A man is sunbathing on a nude beach when he sees a little girl coming, he quickly covers up with a towel. The little girl walks up and asks "Whats underneath the towel Mr." He replies "it's my pet bird" the little girl gives him a confused look and walks away. The man decides to take a little nap, when he wakes up he's in the hospital and the little girl is in his hospital room. He asks her "What happened to me, why am I in here?" The little girl replies, "Well while you were asleep I decided to check out your pet bird, and that was the nastiest, ungliest bird I've ever seen so I crushed its eggs, snapped its neck and lit its nest on fire!"

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #691 on: Apr 23, 2013, 08:28:03 PM »
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet.

 The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

 "That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."

 About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.

 "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

 "Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

 "Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.

 He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

 "Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

 A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

 The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #692 on: Apr 24, 2013, 03:53:15 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #693 on: Apr 24, 2013, 05:49:45 AM »
 LAUGHED SO HARD I COULDN'T BREATHE!!!!

 After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

 Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

 Dear Mrs. Woolf,

 Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
 minute intervals.

 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
 women's restroom.

 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
 voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
 chips.

 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
 children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
 crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
 Emergency Medics were called.

 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
 humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
 through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

 And last, but not least:

 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
 awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
 here.'

 One of the Staff passed out.

 I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?













« Last Edit: Apr 24, 2013, 05:52:03 AM by 30-30 »

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #694 on: Apr 24, 2013, 06:23:36 AM »
1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.



2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.



3. F***ing refreshes you.



4. After F***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.



5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.



SO, REMEMBER ...



6. FISHING is good for your health and soul,
And may the Good Lord cleanse your FILTHY Mind!

Offline PSC13

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #695 on: Apr 24, 2013, 08:28:26 AM »
Haha good one 30-30 ;D

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #696 on: Apr 24, 2013, 06:14:20 PM »

 

       hahahaah   You hit that  right on that one 30/30 , But I even found out from a 74 year old guy that it still get's
       R*** K Hard   So that means you still have a few more years a head of you old man     ;D ;D ;D ;D


Offline Buck Chaser

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #697 on: Apr 25, 2013, 05:48:26 AM »


       hahahaah   You hit that  right on that one 30/30 , But I even found out from a 74 year old guy that it still get's
       R*** K Hard   So that means you still have a few more years a head of you old man     ;D ;D ;D ;D
That's way to much info!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Offline OTIS

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #698 on: Apr 25, 2013, 07:54:08 AM »
Number 1, randomly putting condom and tampon boxes in other peoples shopping carts, has been a looooooong time favorite of mine.  Especially when I get to see them check out... 8)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #699 on: Apr 26, 2013, 05:39:06 AM »

               
The Wednesday night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand.

Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were  unable to make it to service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.

One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe..."

 

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #700 on: Apr 27, 2013, 05:51:36 AM »
hehehe  Jeff   ;D ;D


Offline maineduckhunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #701 on: Apr 30, 2013, 12:17:46 PM »

Offline hesseltine32

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #702 on: Apr 30, 2013, 04:01:22 PM »
Haha nice duck hunter

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #703 on: Apr 30, 2013, 05:42:29 PM »





                       ;D ;D  Nice Nice


Offline hunts2long

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #704 on: May 01, 2013, 09:51:36 PM »
GLOVERSVILLE — Sno Cone Joe has been harassing rival Mr. Ding-A-Ling, city police say...This was in the local paper today......hunts2long
Some days are diamonds some days are stone

 


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