Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 913235 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #480 on: Jan 31, 2013, 07:11:30 PM »
It is wrong... I unintentionally poached your comedy... ;D
             Nah, it's hard to read everything that's on here.

Offline huntny30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #481 on: Jan 31, 2013, 07:14:09 PM »
             Nah, it's hard to read everything that's on here.

No Doubt...
"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid."
John Wayne

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #482 on: Jan 31, 2013, 07:28:03 PM »



            hehehe     Awesome JJ   ;D ;D ;D
« Last Edit: Jan 31, 2013, 07:28:41 PM by Green Mountian Hunter »


Offline loonyone

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #483 on: Feb 01, 2013, 09:47:23 AM »
Is that your imitation of yourself Mr Greenie

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #484 on: Feb 01, 2013, 02:26:59 PM »
Is that your imitation of yourself Mr Greenie
  Green stamps to be had , I go for them  ;D ;D ;D


Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #485 on: Feb 04, 2013, 09:44:53 PM »
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
 
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
 
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
 
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
 
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
 
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
 
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
 
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
 
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
 

Offline upstatehunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #486 on: Feb 04, 2013, 10:13:44 PM »
LOL very funny...."old married couple".....I resemble that.... :P

Offline Wyoming Larry

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1st date conversation
« Reply #487 on: Feb 05, 2013, 12:25:45 AM »
A First Date Conversation

Lady: Do you drink?

Man: Yes

Lady: How much a day?

Man: 3 six-packs

Lady: How much per six-pack?

Man: about $10

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: 15 years

Lady: So 1 six-pack cost $10 and you have 3 six-packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800, correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 a year, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years… that puts your spending at $162,000 correct?

Man: Correct

Lady: Do you realize that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink?

Lady: No.

Man: Where's your Ferrari?

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #488 on: Feb 05, 2013, 06:42:20 AM »



       hehehe   ;D  Very good Nice


Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #489 on: Feb 06, 2013, 11:17:21 AM »
Funny Wyoming Larry. ;D



That's how the fight started ;D ;D


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.


When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started.....


______________________________ __


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed.


I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'


'No,' she answered..


I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'


So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started...


________________________________




I took my wife to a restaurant....The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.


"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."


He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"


"Nah, she can order for herself."


And that's when the fight started.....


_______________________________



My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and

she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at

a nearby table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"


"Yes", she sighed,


"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we

split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."


"Oh my!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that

long?"


And then the fight started...


________________________________



When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something

more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her

point.


When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the

house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her

a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as

well sweep the driveway.."


The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


______________________________



My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.


She asked, "What's on TV?"


I said, "Dust."


And then the fight started...


________________________________



Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van and

proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing

50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and

discovered that the weather would be bad all day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation,

and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid

husband is out fishing in that?"


And that's how the fight started...


_______________________________



My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about          3

seconds."


I bought her a bathroom scale.


And then the fight started......


______________________________



After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

Social Security.


The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify

my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at

home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go

home and come back later.


The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.


So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.


She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and

she processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.


She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability too.'


And then the fight started...


________________________________



My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not

happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old,

fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'


I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


And then the fight started........


________________________________



I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!


The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up

at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'


So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'


That's how the fight started.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #490 on: Feb 06, 2013, 11:35:33 AM »

    hehehe   ;D ;D ;D


Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #491 on: Feb 06, 2013, 12:10:40 PM »
Haha nice drobs...

Luke
5

Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #492 on: Feb 06, 2013, 01:49:29 PM »
all good ones
no information

Offline aquaassassin

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #493 on: Feb 06, 2013, 02:14:09 PM »
Lmao
It's not being cocky if you can back it up!

Offline drobertsinMaryland

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #494 on: Feb 06, 2013, 05:56:39 PM »
During a recent morning mass in New York City, a little old Italian lady made her way to the front and out of character prayed rather loudly this.

Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years ...you have taken
my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael
Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays, my favorite actress
Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite singer Whitney Houston, and, now, my
favorite announcer Dick Clark. I just wanted you to know that my
favorite politician is Barack Obama.

 


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