Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 912594 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #750 on: May 13, 2013, 04:18:09 AM »
hehehe    ;D ;D  Somebody might grab that    8)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #751 on: May 13, 2013, 05:04:59 AM »

            That's funny! ;D

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #752 on: May 13, 2013, 06:19:14 PM »
A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
      "I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child.  What do you think about that?"
      The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story.  I know a guy who's an avid hunter.  He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him.  He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."
      That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!"
      "Exactly", said the doctor.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #753 on: May 14, 2013, 03:56:09 AM »
hehehe good one  ;D


Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #754 on: May 14, 2013, 07:19:11 AM »
A 110-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
      "I've never felt better," he replies. I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child.  What do you think about that?"
      The doctor thinks for a moment and says, "Let me tell you a story.  I know a guy who's an avid hunter.  He never misses a season but one day he's in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him.  He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver, squeezes the handle, and BAM! the beaver drops dead in front of him."
      That's impossible," said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot that beaver!"
      "Exactly", said the doctor.

hahahhahaahahahaha...another good one 30-30.

Luke
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #755 on: May 14, 2013, 06:53:37 PM »
On a hot summer day, a country bumpkin came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The bumpkin said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat."

The bumpkin replies, "No way dog's in heat...she's cool kawse I got 'er tied unner the shade tree."

The policeman says, 'No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred.'

"No way,' the bumpkin says, 'dog don't need bread, she ain't hongry, kawse I fed 'ER beef jerky this mornin'."

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; 'NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!'

The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says,

"Go 'head. I always wanted a police dog."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #756 on: May 15, 2013, 04:02:48 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #757 on: May 15, 2013, 04:16:41 PM »
A little fella walks home from school every day, and on his way he passes a rail yard. One day when he arrived home he said "mom I have a question for you. I want to know why big dogs have little puppies and big cats have little kitties but big trains don't have little trains?" His mother replies "I think it's time you had a talk with your father, go ask him this question." So he walks into the living room where dad is reading the paper and asks him the same question. The dad responds "tell you what, on your way home tomorrow why don't you stop at the railroad yard and ask the engineer that question?" (thinking of course that the youngster will have forgotten all about it by then) So the next day our curious child goes into the yard and finds the engineer, and says "I have a question that my mom and dad couldn't answer for me and they told me I should ask you." The engineer says, "well, what is your question young man?" Says th boy "well, I'm wondering why big dogs have little puppies and big cats have little kitties, but big trains dont have little trains?" The engineer thinks for a few seconds, grins and says "sonnie, go on home and tell your folks that the Burlington Northern pulls out on time!!!"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #758 on: May 15, 2013, 05:05:57 PM »



   Hehehe  ;D ;D ;D


Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #759 on: May 15, 2013, 05:39:27 PM »
nice :D :D
no information

Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #760 on: May 16, 2013, 07:22:02 AM »
another good one 30-30-...

Luke
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #761 on: May 16, 2013, 08:15:29 PM »
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

 "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

 "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti smoking campaign.

 "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

 "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

 "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

 "Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

 "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing! it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

 "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

 "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

 "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

 "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

 "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

 "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

 "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

 "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

 "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

 "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #762 on: May 17, 2013, 07:26:23 AM »
Wow...people say dumb things...haha

Luke
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #763 on: May 17, 2013, 01:31:24 PM »

            They sure do. ::)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #764 on: May 18, 2013, 08:58:08 AM »
A man is a person who, if a woman says,
 "Nevermind, I'll do it myself." - lets her.
 
 A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
 "Nevermind, I'll do it myself, and he lets her - gets mad.
 
 A man is a person who, if a woman says,
 "Nevermind, I'll do it myself." - lets her and she gets mad - says,
 "Now what are you mad about?"
 
 A woman is a person who, if she says to a man,
 "Nevermind, I'll do it myself, and he lets her - gets mad.,
 and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" - says,
 "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

 


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