Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 956064 times)

Offline joe snag

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1455 on: May 14, 2014, 08:48:10 PM »
The song-Lost in the desert with a horse with no name,,,don't you think you would name that friggen horse if you were lost with him,,
hmmm

                                                                 Questions for people that know everything
1.Can you cry under water?
2.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3.If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
4.Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
5.Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
6.Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
7.Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
8.What disease did cured ham actually have?
9.How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
10.Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
11.If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
12.If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
13.Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
14.Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
15.How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
16.Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
17.If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
18.Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
19.Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
20.Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Or Watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think,"that ought to taste good"
21.Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
22.Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
23.When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
24.If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
25.Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
26.If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
27.Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
28.Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
29.What do you call male ballerinas?
30.Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
31.If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
32.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
33.If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
34.Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
35.Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
36.Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
37.Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
38.Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets Mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
 
 

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1456 on: May 15, 2014, 04:50:56 AM »


One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "


Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1457 on: May 15, 2014, 05:29:58 AM »
nice one
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1458 on: May 16, 2014, 03:25:59 AM »

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1459 on: May 16, 2014, 03:38:58 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1460 on: May 16, 2014, 05:45:42 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1461 on: May 16, 2014, 06:17:01 PM »

After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and 14000$.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife:
- Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain why there are 3 bottles?
- You see, whenever I cheated on you, I emptied a bottle of beer and put it in a box…
The husband gives it a pause and thinks: well, 3 time, that isn’t so much…
- And why do you keep the 14000$ there?
- Well, when the bottles do not fit in the box, I return them and get back the deposit.

Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1462 on: May 16, 2014, 06:49:35 PM »
like it.
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Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1463 on: May 17, 2014, 05:26:41 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline CAPTJJ

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1464 on: May 17, 2014, 11:27:03 AM »
 :o ;D ;D

Its always archery season. >>>---------->
Hybrid longbow in hand.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1465 on: May 17, 2014, 02:52:58 PM »


     hahaha    ;D ;D    Nice


Offline stka

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1466 on: May 17, 2014, 09:10:25 PM »

Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1467 on: May 17, 2014, 09:21:03 PM »
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed..
The farmer takes his hand and puts it on his wife's breasts and says "honey if these things gave enough milk we could get rid of all those cows"..
Than he takes his hand and puts it down below and says "honey if this thing popped out eggs we could get rid of all those chickens"..
The wife takes her hand and puts it on his junk and says
"honey if this worked we could fire your brother"..     ;D ;D ;D :o :o :o
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1468 on: May 18, 2014, 06:23:22 AM »


         I love it Dom    ;D ;D ;D


Offline chuckrudy

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1469 on: May 18, 2014, 07:36:16 AM »
good one. 
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