Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 912691 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5550 on: Mar 15, 2021, 02:52:53 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5551 on: Mar 16, 2021, 04:23:00 AM »


GENUINE COURT TRANSCRIPT...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5552 on: Mar 16, 2021, 08:48:27 AM »
 ;DO


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5553 on: Mar 17, 2021, 03:29:55 AM »

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5554 on: Mar 17, 2021, 06:12:24 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5555 on: Mar 18, 2021, 04:13:50 AM »


A man was having marital problems. So he went
to his shrink. The shrink says, "When you get

home, throw down your briefcase, run to her,

embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours,

and make mad passionate love to her."

In two weeks he was back in the shrink's office.

The shrink asked "How did it go?"

He said, "She didn't have anything to say,

but her bridge club got a kick out of it."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5556 on: Mar 18, 2021, 12:17:21 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5557 on: Mar 21, 2021, 05:39:45 AM »


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that 'Won Ton' spelled backward is 'Not Now'.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5558 on: Mar 21, 2021, 06:53:59 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5559 on: Mar 23, 2021, 04:43:41 AM »

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5560 on: Mar 24, 2021, 05:17:41 AM »


"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina.
"Fifty years," Grandma replied.
"That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?"
"Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5561 on: Mar 24, 2021, 06:00:17 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5562 on: Mar 27, 2021, 04:03:04 AM »


Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished, Mary asked how much for the teapot.
Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lot of money" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5563 on: Mar 27, 2021, 06:14:59 AM »
 ;D  ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5564 on: Mar 28, 2021, 04:44:41 AM »


Panicking when her toddler swallowing a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.
"He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."
"How will I be sure?" she pressed.
"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."



 


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