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« Last post by 30-30 on Today at 04:14:31 AM »
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1999. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
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« Last post by 30-30 on Apr 23, 2024, 04:55:31 AM »
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.
It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.
Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped.
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"
Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure.
He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?"
Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
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« Last post by CAPTJJ on Apr 22, 2024, 06:07:31 PM »
Nice, that's a thick beard on that one.
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Bosses grandson got one this weekend. His last year in youth season.. 
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« Last post by CAPTJJ on Apr 22, 2024, 07:22:02 AM »
Finally saw some turkeys yesterday, 2 lone hens up north near my friend's place: one in a front yard and the other on the side of gravel road but there is just a small strip of land there between the Northway and a river. Then I saw 2 toms feeding in a small field in the evening closer to home, didn't seem at all interested in feeding, cold and snow flurries. Also saw a grouse.
Season opens in 9 days.
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« Last post by 30-30 on Apr 22, 2024, 03:38:06 AM »
Husband: “Call 911 quick, I think I’m having a heart attack!“
The wife picked up his cell phone to call. She said, “Give me your password!”
Husband: "Never mind, I’m feeling much better now."
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« Last post by 30-30 on Apr 21, 2024, 05:43:13 AM »
A doctor remarked on his patients, ruddy, very red complexion.
"I know," said the patient, "it's from high blood pressure and it's from my family."
"Your mothers side or fathers side?" questioned the doctor.
"Neither, my wife's side."
"What do you mean?" the doctor said, "That cannot be. How can you get it from your wife's family?"
"Oh yeah, definitely," the patient responded, "you should meet them sometime!"
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« Last post by 30-30 on Apr 20, 2024, 06:25:30 AM »
An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.
One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session.
He was asked, "Property holder?"
Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."
Then he was asked, "Married or single?"
Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."
Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"
Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Hono
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« Last post by 30-30 on Apr 19, 2024, 05:37:54 AM »
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, Darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down, 'Piggy.'
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