Comic Relief!!

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Hip Surgery
 
Two patients limp into two different doctors' offices with the same complaint: Both have trouble walking and may require hip surgery.
 
Patient 1. is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
 
Patient 2. sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then, pending the review board's decision on his age and remaining value to society.
 
Why the different treatment for the 2 patients?



The FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet.
 
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen on Obamacare.
 
In November, if there is no change in government... we'll all have to find a good vet.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                             ABCs
                     One day there was a kid who was asked to recite the first four letters of the alphabet by his teacher.
                     So he went home and asked his brother the first letter. He said "SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE!"
                     Then he asked his Mom the second letter. She said "Yes!"
                     Then he asked his Dad the third letter. He said "Kentucky Fried Chicken!!!"
                     Then he asked his cousin the fourth and final letter. "In a big fat car! In a big fat car! In a big fat car!
                     So he went to school. The teacher asked him, "Tell me the first four letters in the alphabet." So he said
                    "SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE!" " Young man, do I need to take you to the principal? "Yes!"
                     So he went to the principal. The principal said. "Who do you think you are?!" "Kentucky Fried Chicken!!!"
                    "And, how are you getting away with this?!" "In a big fat car! In a big fat car!"

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Two Irishmen friends are drinking together at one of their homes. One friend takes out a bottle of Irish whiskey and asks the other, "Will you pour this bottle out on my grave if I die first?" His friend replies, "Do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                         What do you get when you cross a mouse and a deer?
                         Mickey Moose

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A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.

“Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.

“Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                What happens after the government takes 35 percent of your paycheck?
                The gas station takes the rest!

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I don't really like watching basketball, I just watch it to find out who the next member of the Kardashian family will be.