Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

           I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight,
           but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend
           that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the
           audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

[30-30]

                     

[30-30]

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.  Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
 
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
 
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
 
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                       


            The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet,
             and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up. That's a good vacation.

[adkRoy]

[Green Mountian Hunter]

          hehehe     Nice one 

[30-30]

                   nice one Roy! 

[30-30]

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
 
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
 
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
 
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
 
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
 
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
 
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

              Two rednecks walk down a dirt path.
              One man has a big sack over his shoulder.

              The other man asks what's in the sack.

              The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight."

              The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.

             "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck,
             "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack,
             I'll give them both to you."

[30-30]

                                 

[30-30]

Wife:        'What are you doing?'
 
Husband:    Nothing.

Wife:        'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband:   'I was looking for the expiration date.'
 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

          A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos,
          so she asks him what it's for. He responds,

         "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

          The blonde immediately buys one for herself.
          The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

           Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

           She replies, "Soup and ice cream."