Author Topic: Don't try this  (Read 5214 times)

Offline fishindog

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Don't try this
« on: Apr 05, 2008, 11:36:09 AM »
For those of you who hunt deer, want to pet deer, or anything in
between....this is too funny!

Names have been removed to protect the stupid!
 
This is an actual letter from someone who writes, and farms.
 
'I had the idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
 
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that,
since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much
fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up
and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4
feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and
toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport
it home.
 
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were
not having any of it.

 After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a
likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my
rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

 I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have
a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could
tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

 I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension
on the rope and then received an education.

 The first thing  that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand
there look at you funny while you rope it; they are spurred to action
when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

 The second thing  I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance.

 That thing ran, bucked, twisted, and pulled. There was no controlling
it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and
started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a
deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally
imagined.

 The third thing  I learned, the only upside, is that they do not have
as much stamina as many other animals.

 A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk
me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few
minutes to realize this, since the blood flowing out of the big gash in
my head mostly blinded me. At that point, I had lost my taste for
corn-fed venison.
  I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

 I figured that if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its
neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

 At the time, there was no love at all between that deer and me. At that
moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling
was mutual.

 Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think
clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared
some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I
didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get
it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I
had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. 

 I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my
rope back.

  The fourth  thing I learned!!!! Did you know that deer bite? They do!
I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite
somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that
rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

 Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head
--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

 The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective.

 It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but
it was likely only several seconds.

 I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my
right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
 
That was when I got my  fifth  lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their
back feet, strike right about head, and shoulder level, and their hooves
are surprisingly sharp.

 I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse
--strikes at you with their hooves and you cannot get away easily, the
best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so
you can escape.

 This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery
would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

 The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
you in the back of the head.

 Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it
hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Lesson six...  Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does
not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger
has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down
on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering
your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went
away.

 So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the Prey.




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Offline Ethan.

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #1 on: Apr 05, 2008, 12:37:27 PM »
wow is that really a true story???i no 1 thing if i was him id by me a 300 win. mag. find that mutated deer and place some lead right between his ears and then run cause i dont no if that will kill that deer,

ive got a story fer ya  on our way back from a snowmobile race we hit a deer w/the truck about 10 min from my house,it got hit at about 55 mph,so we go home get the car and head back there to bring it home and skin it no gun w/us,when we arrived on the seen the deer layed there so we opened the back door of the beater car and chucked her in i though somethin was up when the deer was blinkin but thought that it was nerves or somthin,as me and my dad got in the car when i looked back at the deer it had pulled its legs up under itself still thought nothin of it 3 min into the trip the deer decided to take some revenge on us and came alive in the car it kicked the back window out so we pulled over and my dad grabed its back legs i grebbed it head got it out of the car and i ut in in a head lock it was draggin me across a field while my dad was unlockin the trunk to put the deer in the he came to help me and when he did the deer kicked him in his man area needless to say he was havin a hard time movin but eventually we got it in the trunk locked it and headed home it kicked out both tail lights they were hangin on the ground,we get home rope the deer while its in the trunk tie the rope 2 the car go in get a gun well at the time most of our guns wernt in workin condittion on a side note we now have all new guns in the same calibers of the old ones,anyways  we finally got one to work  it was a 7 ultra mag right to its head and that ened it all :-[  what a night that was
The Beast Is Dead Long Live The Beast

Wack em and stack em

Offline minnowguy

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #2 on: Apr 06, 2008, 10:40:16 PM »
that was good laughed so hard it braught tears.

Offline luckyduck22

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #3 on: Apr 07, 2008, 06:57:52 PM »
.......... what a idiot ::)

Offline BoneHead

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #4 on: Apr 08, 2008, 10:09:03 AM »
sounds like someone with a vivid imagination.  :D The deer were already grain fed from feeding in the cattle feed. All he had to do was wait for hunting season.

Offline Buck1985

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #5 on: Apr 09, 2008, 02:39:13 PM »
 Some people just don't get it, lol

Offline WHITETAILFEVER

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #6 on: Apr 29, 2008, 10:32:30 AM »
NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!I WISH I WAS THERE TO SEE THAT!!
LIKE TO WORK LOVE TO HUNT

Offline HuntinFool

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #7 on: Apr 29, 2008, 01:28:17 PM »
hmm wow.....we're talkin about a "wild animal" here folks....that fella musta watched "Bambi" a few too many times! deer, like all wild animals, spend their lives in the wild and have to run, jump, fight, get thru the rut, survive hunting season, and then starve thru winter every year....of course theyr gonna have some muscle built into em.....i had an idea like that myself one time, sorta but not really....it had a much better motive....One summer when i was 19, i spent the whole summer on a commercial salmon setnet camp....there was 4 of us livin in a small cabin and all we did was eat and work....theres a big bluff, maybe 400-500 feet high all along the beach we stayed on....and you could always see moose browsing along the bluffs edge...one day we're rollin by and i spot a 3 month old moose calf trapped on the side of the bluff, like 30 feet below the edge, it had slipped and was quite stuck....there were even 2 eagles waitin for it to fall so they could feast......anyhow i said s**t ill run up there and wrangle him, cut his throat and kick him off the side and hopefully he'll land in the back of truck, we'll have us some good eatins.....so i climb up a dry waterfall and crawl and hop my way thru 40 yards of willow and alder till i reach where he fell, i was above him maybe 25 feet, with a stout length of rope in hand and my hunting knife in my teeth.....the cow moose had long since abandoned her calf....i tossed the rope into the air and slipped the noose off an ear, missed, he kept movin his head, dodgin therope awfully good...so i just yelled at him , got him to jump and lassoed his front hoof......this calf weighed easily 350-400 lbs....and i only had one good hand due to a major injury while on the sea...i started yankin on him, and tryin to make him trip, he started bawlin somethin awful....and here im startin to feel alittle for his misery....while hes bawlin.....i suddenly get alittle spooky and the hairs on the back of my neck stuck up....i risked a glance around my shoulder and found my young dumb self face to face with.....MAMA MOOSE! HOLY HELL RUN FOR YER LIFE! i skipped that 40 yards of thick brush without any problems.....skidded down 400 feet of near vertical cliff and didnt stop runnin till i got to the truck....the boys were like...So, didnt go too well did it?     about 2 hours later a crowd had gathered at the spot and they were all treehuggers hahaha, and they called in a chopper to airlift the little bastard out.....I can only wonder though....how long was that cow standin behind me like that? all she had to do was kick and ida gone over and been dead.
Ive Hunted Almost Everyday Of My Life, The Rest Have Been Wasted

Offline nielsen326

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Re: Don't try this
« Reply #8 on: Oct 16, 2009, 07:27:44 PM »
what an idiot now thats funny  ;D ;D ;D ;D

 


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